MJB is a Beast

Last night I attended the Heart of the City Tour. Mary and Jay did the damn thing. Jay has truly stepped his live performance game up. He stood out there for over an hour without a hype man and didn't lose me. I didn't realize Jay had so many hits but damn. Now Mary was on another level. She keeps getting better vocally and the way she ended her set was a statement in itself. Work That, Enough Cryin, Be Without You, and Just Fine. You couldn't have picked a better way for her to go out. Plus she performed some rare classics like Sweet Thing. Altogether Mary solidified her status as the Queen of the hood.

A Typical Email Conversation at Savings & Loans

From: Nigerian Princes
To: FrontOffice Girl; King
Subject: omg

YuMatch (really culturally awkward girl who has been known to sport matching hat & sweater combos usually seen on three year olds. Important note: she typically wears that hat indoors not to mention it has one of those balls on it) is wearing a top I would wear out on a Saturday night!! Veryyyyy scandalous!

From: King
To: Nigerian Princess; FrontOffice Girl
Subject: RE: omg

LMAO. Poor girl probably doesn't know any better although she has been living in the US for a while now.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: King; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg

She has?

From: King
To: FrontOffice Girl ; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg

Yeah, at least all of college. That's 4 years right there.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: King; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg

Haha I was kidding. Had we not been locked up at the same penitentiary (Savings & Loans), I would think she just arrived in a shipping cargo labeled "Sweaters"...

Africa

Today, I made the comment that I was proud to be an American. To support my opinion I asserted that it is the only country where a black man can become leader of the free world. The Nigerian Princess responded with yet another classic line: "Don't forget that tiny country, Africa, where black men rule the land. " Pure hilarity.

The Hell With All that Rubbish

When Estelle drops her album remember I hipped you'll to this chick. Her new single American Boy is fire. Anyway, here is a live version of it courtesy of the BBC and thatgrapejuice.net

Estelle - 'American Boy' (Live)
by ThatGrapeJuice

Moment of Truth

I am truly loving this show. Its basically my life in hour long capsules. The questions are clearly intended to hurt people's feelings and make them uncomfortable. In fact, it ruins lives. However, I think the truth will set you free so in the end its better that it all comes out. If someone has been cheating, they need to be aired out. If someone sucks in bed they need to know they can do better. Its nothing like pouring a little peroxide on that wound. So people suck it up and learn to be the Truth like me.

Waitlisted at Duke

For serious? Don't pay for me to apply to your school and then waitlist me. It is not a good look. I don't want to sit around and wait for you to decide you might want me to come over for dinner. Duke please. I have people dying to break bread with me. LOL. But seriously, I was willing to take a chance on Duke and try out the South. They just weren't truly willing to to take a complete chance on me. To each his own.

Worst Week Ever

This was the Worst Week Ever at Savings & Loans. The following email highlights the ridiculousness I have to deal with on a daily basis. This is the message I got after making a mistake by not sending what we would consider an immaterial amount of money less than $100,000 to a foreign counterpart. Please be reminded that it was not actual dollars involved but corporate bookkeeping numbers. Meaning they were going to get credit for the transaction just not in February but March because or my error.

Email message:
This is frankly "UNACCEPTABLE". We do our work well and so we should be entitle for "at least" proper transfer. What is FINCON's responsibility here ? Who failed ? Someone should be accountable for this ... it is just too easy to say "next month" ........ Could you please be more careful and ensure our job is recognized via transfer as it should be ?

I think I am going to hold myself accountable and make sure to leave Savings & Loans as soon as that bonus check is deposited in my account. Ugh, I hate that place.

Law School Update

For all those interested parties I have not selected an institution to attend as of this blog posting. I am still waiting to be rejected by the Big H before I wholly commit myself to that fine institution in NYC. Hopefully, I hear back soon because I really would like to make plans. Until then kids sit tight and wish for the best.

Goals

A coworker wrote in an email: What are goals?

I responded: Goals are what you had before you started working here.

Law School Humor

Poster: 2manyapps
I received an email from South Carolina law stating that, "You may have recently received an invitation to a Merit Scholars Reception. Unfortunately, this was sent to you in error...I realize that this may have caused you some anxiety and we apologize sincerely for any confusion our error may have caused. As an admitted student, you should feel proud of all you have accomplished and know that you were chosen from a very select group of applicants."

I have an LSAT that is double digits above their median and a GPA that is well above it also. I had no intention of going here (safety school) but cannot figure the above out. You would think they would find a 1k scholarship or something to "save face" and avoid sending me the above ridiculous email.

Reply: Rudygay

Send them an email saying you are going to attend.. then send them another email saying that you sent the first one in error and that they should feel very proud of the people who are going to attend their law school, but that you will not be attending at this time.

Pure hilarity.

Rome

This weekend I spent so much time trying to find a hotel in Rome to stay in during my trip to Europe. Let's just say it was beyond difficult. As royalty I have specific standards that must be met before I will even consider a place of lodging. I am not very picky but I do prefer cleanliness and an overall welcoming attitude. For some reason a lot of the hotels in Rome appear to be lacking in one or the other category. $300 a night hotels were in terrible neighborhoods or were lacking in the facilities department. For $300 a night I would expect to at least have a bathroom that works and a bed that isn't made of rocks. Anyway, I finally found the Crowne Plaza in Rome for a somewhat reasonable price. The added bonus though is they have four tennis courts which means I will finally get to play on a clay court. So excited. 42 days to go.

Troll

My new favorite word of choice is Troll. Since everyone and everything is a mess and a hot mess these days I have decided to use a new term. Mess is being so overused that its making it difficult to let people know that you really disapprove of their look/behavior/decisions. I think troll has enough bite to it that it will definitely get the job done. For example, the next time I am on a train with a friend and a bum in a pink too tight tee chastises me for not giving him a quarter I will have the perfect response: Troll you better go sit down somewhere. Or the next time I go to work not looking like I stepped out of the pages of GQ I'll use the double whammy when the Nigerian Princess gives me the look of disdain: Yeah, I know I look a troll ass mess. Please do be offended if I launch a troll bomb in your direction.

If I Were A Dictator

Kim Jong is everyone's favorite dictator to make fun of (unless you live in North Korea, where you'd probably get killed for it). Nonetheless, you and he aren't as harmless as you may appear, and indeed both hold a lot of power in your own right.

Too Funny

A recent Youtube response to a Mary J. Blige tribute to Janis Joplin:

she should just give up...trying to cover Janis...lmao

Another viewer responded:

Janis Joplin was no vocal cherub herself. Come on now get off Ms. Blige!

ROTFL. Vocal Cherub. Get off Mary.

FrontOffice Girl Update

Now that FrontOffice Girl has joined her new group she isn't as boisterous or forthcoming with her complaints about the dead-end work she is doing. Most likely its because she is so busy she doesn't have time these days to shoot the breeze. However, she has adopted this new habit of creating nicknames for coworkers. Yet, unlike the rest of us, she has decided to refer to these people by their nicknames to their face. I am all for monikers that suit the individual. For example, the kid who just looks a hot mess all the time we now refer to as Mess. That is we he is not around. When Mess is in our presence we call him by his government. Anyway, FrontOffice Girl now refers to a grown thirty year old man as Smiley. If she needs help she comes over to his desk and literally shouts for the whole floor to hear Smiley can you help me. She even introduces him to other counters as Smiley. I currently don't know his actual name because she only calls him Smiley. Yesterday, she wrote an email that stated "Today is one of those days I really want to punch Smiley in the face." Smiley can't possibly enjoy being belittle by FrontOffice Girl but is quite likely smiling too much to say anything.

Runway

Lunch at Savings & Loans is a once in a lifetime experience. We eat, complain about our jobs, listen to stories about celebrity sightings, and most importantly judge people. LOL. We sit at lunch tables located right next to the exit and like the cool kids that we are judge everyone's attire. Nigerian Princess is relentless in her assault on the sartorially challenged. The Black Widow is has mastered a roll of the eyes and snicker that is quite magical when you see it. Are we bad people because of it? Probably. However, its a tough world out there and someone has to be our beacon of truth.

To Whom It May Concern

Although I have received a number of requests, I will not be visiting that city on the water known as New Orleans. After Katrina, I am not sure that its safe for some someone of my stature to visit. Plus, have you heard how they treat people down there? You only need to read the most recent news about R&B singer Tank. In closing I'll pass on New Orleans.

President's Day Weekend in DC

The King is out visiting another Kingdom and having a great time. I'm visiting the IrishGuard at Gerogetown Law School which is still in the running as my school of choice. The Georgetown law students are fun and I could definitely see myself having a great time here. The people are smart but not nerds. Plus, DC is a lot more orderly and cleaner, than I had imagined. So we shall see.

Valentine's Day Humor

In honor of Valentine's Day, I am posting a hilarious email from the Nigerian Princess. Only she would have this to say about receiving a bouquet of roses.

From: The Wedding Planner
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 8:41 AM
To: King; NIgerian Princess
Subject: Morning

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wore all black today to commemorate the holiday. I thought it was fitting. I'm a lil disappointed that its bright and sunny outside. Yesterday's weather should have continued today (it rained all day yesterday for those of you not living in NYC)

How bout I ordered flowers for my mom to be delivered yesterday and it never showed up. I called customer service and there was a recording that said due to the high volume of calls, there will be no representatives to answer my call and then it hung up. I didn't know the representatives were the ones delivering the d@mn flowers. Stupid

From: Nigerian Princess
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 9:09 AM
To: The Wedding Planner; King
Subject: RE: Morning

Awwww pobresita....

Omg today might not be soo bad afterall...there was a bouquet of pink&red roses waiting for me in the lobby this morning...whoever sent them must be reallly smart and know I would NEVER accept roses at work!!

From: Nigerian Princess
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 9:13 AM
To: The Wedding Planer; King
Subject: RE: Morning

It's tres embarassing!!!!

I think it was my guy friend in London (maybe that's why they came soo early?). The msg wasn't all that sweet "to my #1 girl"...umm who is
#2-25?

In at Fordham

I have been admitted to Fordham Law School's Night program.

Fordham: She is a lot like Brooklyn only better. She is cute and intelligent but not quite as good as her older sisters NYU and Columbia. Her reputation is good but not quite like her sisters either. She is the one you go for cause the other two are too preoccupied with everyone else or you simply just dont have a chance in hell with her older sisters. If you would settle for anything less than your dream girl she might be the one. You wouldnt mind telling others that she is your girl but when you get around other circles she is less impressive. She is flexible meaning you can settle down with her or you can use her to get to her older sisters. At least, she is doable. She is not the best thing in the family (NYC) but she is far from the worst. -dreday3223