Beheading

Offender: Fellow Commuter
Offense: Emitting Noxious Fumes

We get it, you're a banker. We get it, you make a lot of money. We also get that you can afford Gucci Loafers and bespoke Saville Row Suits. We get that all your banker friends can do the same. What we don't get is your need to put the enitre 6:00 pm PATH train on notice. We don't get why the whole subway platform needs to be masked in the scent of musk, cigarettes, and your nasty banker sweat. Its quite likely you believe your are doing us a favor letting us take in all the greatness that is douchebag banker in. But seriously, you stink. That customizable scent your golddigging girlfriend gave you is whack and smells like shit. So do us all a favor tomorrow and go easy on the cologne jerk.

Sentence: Spending a day on an alfalfa farm shoveling horse shit.