Beheading

Offender: A Certain Top 20 Catholic University
Offense: Unsolicited Phone Calls

PLEASE STOP CALLING ME. I mean damn! If you call someone's house everyday for a month and they don't pick up the phone that typically means they don't want to talk to you. It does not mean to assume the role of tele-marketer or bill collector and call so much that I have to pick up the phone and curse you out. Its very unbecoming of a school with a multi-billion dollar endowment. It comes off as very plebeian and so unbecoming. I mean really. I just graduated. That means I still owe you people tens of thousands of dollars. No, I do not have any money to donate for you to give to an obese, slovenly, overpaid, overrated football coach. I definitely don't have any money to support anyone else's dream when my dreams are being crushed daily by the debt i obtained to get a degree from this place. So stop calling me because I don't have a dime to spare.

Sentence: Full reimbursement of four years of tuition to compensate me for my pain and suffering