I'm Back

Sorry loyal subjects for the long abscence, I was gallavanting through foreign seas and lands. Anyway, it was a wonderful excursion and much needed break from Savings & Loans. Below are the some funny moments/ mundane events that made this trip memorable. Be warned some of the quotes or incidences you will not get. You had to be there. Luckily, Blue Jeans and the Spaniard were there so they should get a kick out of some of these stories.

London Gravitas
Our first interaction with a Brit was at Paddington as we tried to take the Tube to our hotel. We needed to purchase tickets so Blue Jeans inquired with the station attendant about getting a pass.

Blue  Jeans: Hi! I'd like to purchase 2 three day passes.

Station Attendant: Will you be traveling before 930?

Blue Jeans (after conversing with me. I had been on a plane for 7 hours so you know how that conversation went. Basically just buy the damn tickets and hurry up) : Probably.

Station Attendant: No Sir....Its a simple question. Will you be traveling before 930? (Emphasis added, including dry British accent.)

Needless to say I burst out laughing and realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. Oh, the Brits and their no holds barred approach to conversation. Gotta love it.

Mouthwatering Treats
The following was a post dinner conversation about the chocolates the restaurant provided. The humor in this lies in who said it. Sadly, the person requested anonymity but he/she will always know we had this moment.

King: I dont like it. Its too hard. I'd dont like hard things in my mouth.

Anonymous:  Well if its going to be in my mouth, I'd like it to be hard.

Brown Sauce
The second day in London started off with a bang. It was 8 in the morning and we are about to take the Tube to Picadilly Circus. As we entered  the train station Blue Jeans and I heard  this huge racket. For a second we thought we had  been transported back to home. Lo and behold its an African station attendant and African woman in the midst of a heated argument. All we hear is: You Shut  Up(British Accent). No, you Shut Up(thick British Accent) Ten times over.

Suddenly, the station attendant tired of this ridiculous back and forth rushes down the escaltor after the woman and launches what he believes to be the nastiest of all verbal attacks: YOU'RE A SAUCY WOMAN !!
BAHHHH!!!!
Please make it stop. I'm still laughing. He called her saucy. Is this the south in 1909? Nope, it is London 2008. What takes the cake is that these fools were arguing because the woman didn't say Cheerio or Top of the Morning. Only in London.

Otter. Look it up.

Hopeless American walks into an Italian restaurant near the Trevi Fountain whispering in broken Italian. The  Italian waitress disgusted with this woman's woeful attempt responds:   I speak English (Emphasis Added).

Silly Americans always trying too hard.

Blue Jeans should be slapped twice for this one. Everytime I think of this story my legs start to hurt. We get off the Tube at Covent Garden and surprisingly there are 5 elelvators located at the exit with a bunch of people waiting for them. Clearly a sign. Blue Jeans decides we should walk, "It will be faster" So we enter this cylindrical turret type of staircase. Think British castle. We literally ascend from the depths of Hell. We meet Cerberus and Hades along the way. By the time we reached the top we're covered in soot and years have passed by. Not really but you get the picture.Really wanted to slap a bitch.

Winning at this shady casino in London. You know I had to get it in. Definitely thought I was going to be cut if I left with any of my belongings including my teeth. We hurried out of there after I won playing roulette.

Random conversation between Blue Jeans and myself while at dinner in Paris reminiscing about Madrid. Be reminded Blue Jeans doest have an evil    sarcastic bone in his body.

King: He looked just like the Spaniard. Blue Jeans:  Yeah, if  the Spaniard gained 50lbs, had a beer belly, and wore a tight shirt.

So not the case. The guy def looks like the Spaniard and def wasn't fat nor did he have a tight shirt on. In fact it was a black sweater but two weeks with the King and suddenly Blue Jeans had mastered the malicious attack about those we meet. Classic.

While riding the subway in Paris this plump man enters a rather roomy train. However, he decides he is going to squeeze between the train door and this stylishly dressed Parisian man. So Fat Ass struggles to enter this space not meant for people while also reading his book. He beats the Parisian up trying to maneuver all his junk into the spot. The look of disgust on this man's face will forever be engrained in my memory.
Not only did he have ass rubbed all in his face but now his look was dishoveled. You all know that pain. Too funny.