New Year's Resolution

To continue to be the most royal thing stalking this globally warmed, dirty, and destined to be doomed planet.

Beheading

Offenders: Bloggers Everywhere
Offense: Uninspired blogging

Blogging is a serious endeavor. One should not assume the role without carefully considering its many consequences. Although the demands of blogging appear simple on the surface, they can drain the most creative wordsmiths of us all. The fact is a blogger need only be original in his thoughts and opinions and post frequently enough so as to satiate the
devoted readers of the blog. Possessing thoughts and opinions might pose an obstacle to some individuals like GDub but for the rest of us it really isn't an issue. That being said apparently some of those residing in the blogosphere are unaware of the definition of frequent. Frequent isn't once a month nor is it twice a week. I am tired of visiting my favorite blogs and discovering that they have not been updated in almost three weeks. I need my fix especially at work with little else to preoccupy my time. Some bloggers might even argue they need time to live the lives they detail on the net. Yet, the fact that you are visiting your family or just taking a vacation is inconsequential to me. Do you think I care that are you actually doing the things you blog purport to relay on your blog? Guess what, I don't. I want to be entertained. So put the Pina Coladas down, tell the parents you love them, and get to your laptop and tell me all the funny stories about how Aunt Judy showed up to Christmas dinner alone because she caught Uncle Fred with the next door neighbor, Alex.

Punishment: Spending the night in Times Square with all the crazies celebrating NYE

Go Giants

This is probably blasphemous coming from a Cowboys fan but I am cheering for the NY Football Giants because I hate Bill Belichick and his Patriots even more. Giants please ruin those cheaters' season.

Royal Stacks

Cash Advance Loans

Belated Birthdays

As many of you know I have a very strong memory. I can remember what people were wearing the first time we met, how they smelled, and even what their younger sibling's favorite movie is. However, when it comes to birthdays I am literally a hot mess. I truly make a concerted effort to remember and yet they always seem to sneak up on me and then pass right by me. Ask my grandmother, cousins, or more recently my college buddies. I don't know what my problem is but I want to issue a public apology to anyone who's birthday I recognized after the fact and to anyone who has a birthday approaching. The fact is I am going to forget and remember days later. My Bad in Advance.

Creative Destruction

A term coined by Joseph Schumpeter in his work entitled "Capitalism, Socialism and Democracy" (1942) to denote a "process of industrial mutation that incessantly revolutionizes the economic structure from within, incessantly destroying the old one, incessantly creating a new one."

Dr. Phil/Oprah Moment of the Day
As we approach the new year I encourage us all to initiate the process of creative destruction in our own lives. What habits do you need to rid yourself of? What habits do you need to nurture? Lets take a serious inventory of ourselves so we do it big in 2008?

Felix Dies Nativitatis

In other words Merry Christmas. I hope everyone is having as wonderful a Christmas as I am. I got to spend a ton of time with my family, which equaled a ton of laughs. Everyone at least acted as if they liked the gifts I got for them. Although I am not sure, you can be upset about a gift card to any store in the mall. I was definitely pleased with the gifts I received: clothes and money. Now, I can pay off those debts I incurred to purchase gifts. Anyway, I have to count tomorrow so I am going to enjoy my day off.

Christmas Shopping

I am done with the commercial farce that is Christmas. I got my last gift today and can proudly say I survived the battleground that is every mall in America right now. I have never seen people act so savagely to purchase items for other people. Its not as if these gifts represent life or death. Yet, people are willing to fight and argue over the last size 9 of some ugly shoe from last season that neither of them should be willing to pay for and that the department shouldn't even attempt to sell. I think I almost had anxiety attack. I am not sure what it is but I am truly incapable of dealing with the average person. Next year, I promise to only frequent quality establishments that the savages cannot afford. Oh, and in case you were wondering I'll be counting tomorrow, Christmas Eve. August can't come fast enough.

LSAT Score

Its in people. I got my score a day early. I am not ecstatic but I am content. I scored in the range of where I was testing. Surprisingly, I didn't lose that many points on Logic Games. Thank you Powerscore. I got more Logical Reasoning questions than I usually do wrong. Anyway, I got a 163, 88th percentile, which means if a 100 people took the test tomorrow I would do better than 88 people. So I guess I am not a total idiot. Its weird having my score. I wanted a 170 but will definitely take my 163. Now I need to apply to a couple of more schools just to be safe.

Thanks for all the support over the past couple of months. I will definitely keep everyone up to date on my status during the application process.

Set the Mood Right

Apparently, I have an attitude problem. Who knew? According to my parents I am always an a bad mood. My mom refers to me as Mr. Evil and my dad just laughs at me. I take exception to such characterizations but it is always great to get feedback on how the people closest to you perceive you. It doesn't mean I am going to change or that whatever vibes I give off are wrong. Its just an interesting thing to note. The fact of the matter is although I complain about counting all the time i am pretty content with the overall direction of my life. I mean I feel good. I am not depressed and definitely am not unhappy. Maybe, I just need to smile more and stop telling people what I really think. Yeah, right. Sorry kids I'll continue to be he mean old man you perceive me to be because thats who I am.

Spear Time

This Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant is pure hilarity. How does she even have spare time for sex? Shouldn't she be on set or better yet studying? Don't they have tutors over at Nickelodeon? All I know is its a sad sad situation for the Spears clan. What type of parenting is going on that household? All that money and they still are living like they're in the trailer park. I guess that old saying holds true: You can take them out the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of them. Sidenote: Britney please allow a skilled black woman to work on that weave so you can stop running around looking like a an old dirty Raggedy Anne Doll.

What to Do?

This weekend was one of those weekends when I had absolutely nothing to do. Now that I am not studying it is as if my weekends have no purpose to them. I run a couple of errands on Saturday and Sunday watch a bunch of football. Its not what I would describe as exciting. I guess after Christmas things will get a little better. I can get back to my favorite pastime, shopping, when the savages vacate the malls. Until, then I am stuck in the house on the Internet with not many interesting things to read. If anyone has any suggestions on things I can do leave a comment. I may possibly consider taking into account your advice.

Out of Hand

Its really getting out of hand at Savings & Loans. Some guy was walking up and down the cubicle rows with a shoe shine kit asking if people wanted a shoe shine. I mean really. When did this become the Port Authority Bus Terminal? Isn't it supposed to be a place of business? I was trying to read my blogs and definitely did not want not want to be interrupted to tell someone I'm not interested in a shoe shine. When was the last time you sat at your desk and thought, "you know I really could use a shoe shining." The Titanic is getting closer and closer to that iceberg. That is all.

Rose, You Better to Learn to Swim

Today at work we had a very interesting discussion about planning ahead. A top Savings & Loans executive resigned today signaling that the boat ride is getting a little rocky. So the question came up did any of us have a life raft? I was like, "Hell, yeah." I would be a fool to not have a back up plan when I am traveling on the damn Titanic. Oh, and my name is not Jack so Rose you better believe I am not sharing my life raft. Chick better learn to swim.

LSAT Nightmares

Last night, was a terrible night. I had a dream that I got a terrible LSAT score and was unable to take the test again. The dream was so bad that it actually woke me up. It was my worst nightmare, not being able to leave counting in the fall. How sad would that be. I don't think I would be able to cope. Luckily, it was only a dream. Oh, if anyone is keeping count we are at the halfway point of my score coming back. 10 Days to go.

Savings & Loans

Savings & Loans has a new Head Counter. I am not particularly impressed with his counting credentials. Who can't count to 100? Anyway, all I know is a lot of counters will probably be losing their jobs in the comings months. Let's hope I can at least make it until the summer.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Ike Turner, is dead. Yes, Tina's deadbeat abusive husband died today. It must really suck for the highlight of your obituary to be that you abused your wife. Shame on you IKE.

Christmas Spirt

Can I be the first to say I am not a big Christmas fan? Its such a fake holiday in my opinion. You have to buy gifts for ungrafteful people who you really don't like. You have to be kind to rude people you'd much rather cut with a dull butter knife. Plus, you have to shop with a bunch of savages. It is as if these plebs have never been to a mall before. I don't know about you guys but I am vowing to buy as little gifts as possible. I refused to let this manufactured cheer and happiness get the best of me. I vow to be good to the people I love and cherish year round not once a year. That is all.

Applications

Online Applications are such a beautiful thing. They have changed so much since I applied to colleges five years ago. The process is much more automated. The LSAC actually saves so much time in terms of getting administrative type tasks done. I am applying to five to six schools so that's hours of time typing out forms and applications that they have taken care of with their systems. Thanks LSAC. Next week, might be the first week that I will not have a single law school activity to do. I can't wait. Then I can spend all my time worrying about my score and waiting for replies from the magnanimous schools that I applied to.

I HATE MY JOB!

I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!I HATE MY JOB!

I Got Growing Pains

Yup, the Mary album has leaked two weeks before its official release date and of course the stan in me forced me to download it. One word: Wow! She did it again. Another hot one from the queen. Its not your typical Mary record either. Its not as rough or loud or tough as past Mary records. It is composed of a lot more mature and lush arrangements. Yet, the soul is still there. Its a beautiful record that explores a lot of topics that everyone can relate to. You can't listen to this album and to not walk away thinking you're a King or Queen. So fall all you serfs out their go cop the album and maybe one day you too can be royalty.

Beheading

Offender: A Certain Top 20 Catholic University
Offense: Unsolicited Phone Calls

PLEASE STOP CALLING ME. I mean damn! If you call someone's house everyday for a month and they don't pick up the phone that typically means they don't want to talk to you. It does not mean to assume the role of tele-marketer or bill collector and call so much that I have to pick up the phone and curse you out. Its very unbecoming of a school with a multi-billion dollar endowment. It comes off as very plebeian and so unbecoming. I mean really. I just graduated. That means I still owe you people tens of thousands of dollars. No, I do not have any money to donate for you to give to an obese, slovenly, overpaid, overrated football coach. I definitely don't have any money to support anyone else's dream when my dreams are being crushed daily by the debt i obtained to get a degree from this place. So stop calling me because I don't have a dime to spare.

Sentence: Full reimbursement of four years of tuition to compensate me for my pain and suffering

Wicked

My new music find is this Brit-ish girl Estelle. I really like her flow. She raps like she is from the hood with a Brit-ish accent. I love the Brits especially those who have rugged voices. Listen to her sing the hook.

LSAT Recap

A HOT MESS!!! Judgement Day has come and gone. Let's just say the test was not what I expected it to be. First, LG were games that were pulled out of nowhere. Unlike previous years they included a number of variable sets that didn't make the games impossible but obviously made me think a lot more than I wanted to. You don't pull a damn rabbit out of your hat on a day like this. Shame on you LSAC.
Logical Reasoning wasn't too bad I actually think I did better than usual on those two sections. Reading Comp was a lot harder than any of the practice test I had taken. I don't know what they were thinking. Even the easy questions like summarize the point of the article were hard.
Clearly, the people over at LSAC had it in for us today. They were like we have a trick for those fools who want to wait until the last minute to take the exam. Seriously, if I had to take a stab at my score a 170 is not going to happen. I would be happy with a 160 at this point. I am not even sure thats going to happen. In three weeks we shall know.
At least all my favorite salespeople at Uniqlo, Club Monaco, and Urban Outfitters will get to see me again. AMEX and VISA watch out because I am coming for you.

LSAT Countdown No More

The big day is tomorrow. I am ready. That is all.

Typical Conversation The Past Few Days

Wow, the LSAT is (insert number) days away. I feel (insert synonym for anxious) about what is to come. I have been studying like (insert typical cliché for hard work) and do feel prepared. The rest of my life will be determined by (insert expletive rant) masquerading as an exam. Yet, I am at peace. I have accepted my (insert doomsday like phrase) fate. Wish me luck.

Birds & Butterflies

Today I had the chance to talk to my roommate from college. If you don't remember, I beheaded him a couple of months ago. Well, astonishingly, he has risen from the dead. In fact he is on the Continent living it up. This fool is having a great time living in Madrid while I'm living in NYC stuck counting. He said its not all birds & butterflies but is sure as hell sounds like to me. I honestly like to take a survey of everyone from my graduating class to see how they feel about their post grad lives. I wonder how many people are content with their lives, careers, or new schools.

LSAT Countdown

3 Days to Go Until the LSAT. I spent all day today reading about my chances of getting into a top 15 school. Its pretty much clear none of these fools on the message boards I frequent know what they're are talking about. It was good way to act like I was preparing for the LSAT without actually expending much effort. At this point, I feel like I am in a good place. I am not nervous or stressed. I just want it to be over so then I can move on and worry about what score I got. Then if I will get accepted to my top schools. Anything to distract me from the suckiness that is counting.

LSAT Countdown

4 days to go. Today I read in article that was both shocking and encouraging about what lies ahead. Apparently, in 2004 only 108 African Americans scored a 165 or better on the LSAT. Can you believe that? 108. That's kind of sad considering a couple thousand take the test. I know African Americans typically score 10 points lower on the test than whites but damn. At the same time, I think in 2007 I can be one of the 100 receiving a score of 165 or better. Let's hope so.

LSAT Countdown

5 Days to Go. I have decided I am going to Work That on the LSAT. 180 here I come. LOL. If I got a 180 it would be over. I mean really over. So not going to happen but I am feeling good right now. On a much sadder not I have to go back to damn counting tomorrow. No more holiday shortened work days. Plus, the end of the month is looming, which means a lot of counting. Ugh! Somebody save me.

LSAT Countdown

7 days until the LSAT. One week to go people. Yes, the day of reckoning is soon upon us. Hopefully, after next Saturday this blog can go back to be a cutting, sharp, biting aspect of your daily routine. Its sad but when you spend hours reading about embryo polarity its really hard to have an opinion about anything. But don't worry all that anger and frustration is pent up. So it has to come out at some point, which probably means a significant increase in the number of beheadings in these parts.

Work That Part 2

As many of my loyal subjects know music defines our kingdom. We live, we breath, we eat, we sleep music. It is what gets us through an arduous day of counting or brings clarity to a wonderful day like today. Many of you also know that for over the past two years one song, Take Me as I Am, has been our anthem. It has been the song we rose two, walked to class to, ate lunch to, and even went to bed to. With this one song MJB put into words what we believe is essential to a happy life: you have to love and accept yourself. However, you listen to a song over 500 times and it starts to lose its impact. It doesn't lose its meaning but it just doesn't provoke or inspire as much of a reaction as it did the first 200 times you heard it. So although many of you never thought this day would come I am removing Take Me As I Am from our daily playlist. Instead, will be rocking to Work That. In many ways Work That is Take Me As I Am on steroids. Its much less somber in tone but has the same message. It says you have to love yourself but you also have to more. You have to go out and live for you. Mary said it best.

I just want to be MYSELF
That's right just be YOURSELF

Let them get mad,
They gon' hate anyway
Don't you get that
Doesn't matter if you go along with their plans
They will never be Happy
Cuz their not happy with THEMSELVES

WORK WHAT YOU GOT

I am talking about things that I KNOW
Its okay to show yourself some LOVE
Don't worry about who's saying what
It going to be hard but work with what you GOT

WORK THAT! WORK THAT! DON'T HOLD BACK!

LSAT Countdown

9 Days Until the LSAT. I took a Practice test today and got a 163. Once, again I encountered a really tough Logic Games section. I got 9 questions wrong out of 22. Damn!!!! I know. Its so sad but I am used to it at this point. But I will keep pressing on so I can be doing it big in Law School in a year or two.

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you had as good a day as I had. The wait to eat was a little extended today but it was definitely worth the wait. My Grandmother definitely put it down. The food was so good. Like most Thanksgivings I had minimal turkey but more than enough lamb, candied yams, and baked macaroni and cheese. I give thanks for great food. I don't give thanks for the fact that I will be counting tomorrow. Yes, on Black Friday, which is like a national holiday for a shopaholic like me, I will be stuck doing damn Excel shortcuts. Oh, counting why are you so cruel to me?

Thanksgiving Eve

Tonight like everything Thanksgiving for the past 15 years I spent in the kitchen. That's right the king took some time to go into the kitchen and put in work. I made cakes with my grandmother like I do ever year. We made them from scratch, no Betty Crocker cake in a box action over hear. All muscle, eggs, sugar, and baking flour. Yes, I do have blisters now but those cakes are going to be so good tomorrow.

LSAT Countdown

10 Days until the LSAT. Today, I was a light day of studying I really need a break. Its kind of tough dealing with counting and studying on a daily basis. So tonight we shall chock up to a mental health day.

Work That! I'm Talking About Things That I Know

LSAT Countdown

11 days to go. At this point I am really suffering from burn out. I don't want to read another random question about some rare species of flowers in the North Pole. December 1 cannot come fast enough. Even though I am tired I am going to stick to my studying because I really need to get a good score. The alternative is to spend the rest of my life counting, which could be a very lucrative alternative. Yet, I know I will not be happy or at the least content counting much longer. So LSAT you have proven yourself to be a tough opponent but you forget one thing I run this thing. So I am coming for you. I have to get hyped some way.

LSAT Countdown

The LSAT is only 12 days away. Am I ready? I am not sure. My practice scores are all over the place so I don't have anything to fall back on. None of the scores have been abysmal but at the same time they are not consistent. So I just have to hope for the best and keep studying. In these next two weeks I will be focusing on Logical Reasoning. As I have noted Logic Games is a crap shoot. However, with enough heavy lifting I can get at least 3-4 more LR questions right. At this point the difference is in the little things. One question could be the difference between Top 25 Law School and being stuck counting for the rest of my life. Altogether, I am going to be prepared for this test.

As You Are Is Not Good Enough

I just got the opportunity to sit down and listen to Alicia Keys' new album, As I Am . Sadly, I am not impressed. I was hoping with this being her third album that it would be her first "complete" and cohesive work. However, the album is marred by lackluster production and what I consider vocal ventriloquy. So many of the songs sound alike and are just boring. At the same time, on most songs Keys sounds like she is attempting to imitate or channel other great artists' vocals. She really needs to find her own voice. Even the remake of Tears of a Clown comes off as uninspiring and just a lazy reproduction. For me this album is a total disappointment and the people fawning over her because Clive deemed it so need to go sit down.

Queens of the NIght

After an awful day of counting I had to turn to two Queens, Mary J. Blige and my mother. I went to dinner with my mom and we talked about my terrible day. Then I listened to Mary and everything seemed right again. In case you were interested in the MJB playlist that saves lives its listed below.

No More Drama
My Life
Take Me As I Am
Press On
Just Fine

WASHINGTON, DC -- After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and being stuck in seemingly endless gridlock trafficcommuting to and from their jobs, millions of Americans were disheartened to learn that it was, in fact, only Tuesday.

"Tuesday?" San Diego resident Doris Wagner said. "How in the hell is it still Tuesday?"

Tuesday's arrival stunned a nation still recovering from the nightmarish slog that was Monday, leaving some to wonder if the week was ever going to end and others to ask what was taking Friday so goddamn long.

"Ugh," said Wagner, echoing a national sense of frustration over it not even being Wednesday at the very least.

According to suddenly depressed sources, the feeling that this week may
in fact last forever was further compounded by the thought of all the work left to be done tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and, if Americans make it that far, possibly even Friday, for Christ's sake.

Fears that the week could actually be going backwards were also expressed.

"Not only do Americans have most of Tuesday morning to contend with, but all of Tuesday afternoon and then Tuesday night," National Labor Relations Board spokesman David Prynn said. "If our calculations are correct, there is a chance we are in effect closer to last weekend than the one coming up."

Added Prynn: "Fuck."

Reports that this all has to be some kind of sick joke had not been confirmed as of press time.

Isolated attempts to make the day go faster, such as glancing at watches or clocks every other minute, compulsively checking e-mail, hiding in the office bathroom, fidgeting, or reading a boring magazine while sitting in the waiting room, have also all proven unsuccessful, sources report.

The National Institute of Standards and Technology, which oversees the official time of the United States, has flatly denied slowing or otherwise tampering with the progression of time.

Labor Secretary Elaine Chao released a statement addressing widespread speculation that it might as well be Monday for all anyone cares.

"We understand this day has been tough on many of you, what with meetings mercilessly dragging on and an entire stack of files still left to organize," Chao's statement read in part. "Yet we urge Americans to
show patience. The midweek hump is just around the corner, and we have strong reason to believe that Saturday will be here before you know it."

"Go about your lives as best you can," the statement continued. "Do not, we repeat, do not take a sick day, as it'll make the rest of the week that much harder to endure."

In the meantime, citizens are doing their best to cope with the
interminable week, though Tuesday is still hours away from ending.

"The more I try to speed it along, the longer it almost seems to take," said Dale Bouchard, a Chicago-based broker who has been waiting for today to be over since it first began earlier this morning. "Honestly, today could not have come at a worse time this week."

In the meantime, the latest wristwatch consultations indicate that it is somehow still Tuesday, if that makes any sense at all.

New Feature

I am introducing a new feature to the Blog, Knighting. I am going to start giving worldly titles to those individuals and things that make me happy. Can you, a pleb, be on of those knights? Unequivocally, Maybe. But be on the lookout.

Turn Down the AC

This weekend I made another silly trip to Atlantic City. Of course, I paid homage to the Romans by losing all my hard earned money at Caesar's Palace. Nice place. Thanks for the free shrimp. But seriously, I have to be the most dense person around. I don't seem to get that there is no money to be made in gambling. So I haplessly lose hundreds if not thousands of dollars on each vist. Today, I decied enough is enough. No more Atlantic City for me. I have sworn off the place for at least the next three months. Hopefully, I can use the saved funds to better myself.

Do Not Solicit

Please don't solicit royal guidance if you're not going to take it seriously. Please don't ask me a question and then get upset when I tell you the answer. Please don't request that I show you to how to do a particular task only to tell me that's not how it should be done. Please, if you know so much act on it. Oh, and please don't come back to me twenty minutes later telling me I was actually right about whatever you asked about. Of course I was right.

Beheading

Offender: Fellow Commuter
Offense: Emitting Noxious Fumes

We get it, you're a banker. We get it, you make a lot of money. We also get that you can afford Gucci Loafers and bespoke Saville Row Suits. We get that all your banker friends can do the same. What we don't get is your need to put the enitre 6:00 pm PATH train on notice. We don't get why the whole subway platform needs to be masked in the scent of musk, cigarettes, and your nasty banker sweat. Its quite likely you believe your are doing us a favor letting us take in all the greatness that is douchebag banker in. But seriously, you stink. That customizable scent your golddigging girlfriend gave you is whack and smells like shit. So do us all a favor tomorrow and go easy on the cologne jerk.

Sentence: Spending a day on an alfalfa farm shoveling horse shit.

Counting Enough is Enough

Counting I was willing to accept your selfishness. I was willing to accept the unfulfilled dreams and wasted potential. I was willing to accept the long hours and seemingly pitiful compensation. I was even willing to accept the unrelenting stress and rude colleagues. But counting now you have gone to damn far. Now you have taken away the one thing I could always count on. You have usurped the one thing that seperated me from the rest. You have reduced me to nothing. You have taken away my pride in one small swoop. You have in fact made me chubby. That's right people I have what many might consider a spare tire slowly developing. I am fat. Now counting will involve keeping track of my caloric intake. Counting you truly do suck.

Clients Are Idiots

Read this post. I thought it was pure hilarity. Hopefully, you will too. Those of you without jobs, dirty plebs that you are, might not find it to amusing but when you obtain employment you will get the joke.

My first year of law school, and hopefully beyond: Clients Are Idiots

Beheading

Offender: Phil Simms & Jim Nantz
Offense: Impersonating Rational Beings

Hey Jim! Hey Phil! Guess what? Calling a football game is not an opportunity to demonstrate what attending public school might be like. JK. But seriously guys, you suck. I don't think you could be more unflappable in you ability to distort what is actually happening in the game you are calling. Jim you're the play-by-play guy. Your only job is to get the player name and yards gained correct. Yeah, we actually expect you to match the number on the jersey you see on the field with number and name on the sheet right in front of your fat stupid face. Yet, we don't expect you to explain to us how a particular defensive scheme works. You acting as if you're knowledgeable about football equates to Amy Winehouse describing what its like to be sober. Phil you're the commentator. That means you need to commentate. Do you need someone to explain to you what that entails? Peyton Manning completed that pass because he saw the Patriots were in a Flex-Cover 2 rather than Man coverage is commentating. Stating, "Peyton is good. He is really good" merely makes you appear even more inane than the drunk losers at the bar watching the game. I really would like to know how these two idiots got be the number one team on CBS. It must be some type of affirmative action policy for dummies.

Sentence: Cleaning the Locker Room of the dirtiest scummiest team in the NFL, the aforementioned Dirty Birds, the Philadelphia Eagles.

Beheading

Offender: Savings & Loans CEO
Offense: Miscounting


Counting is not what its cracked up to be. The work environment is characterized by high pressure, fast pace, and unreliable fellow counters. Yet, that is why head counters get paid the big bucks. Depositors actually expect the count to be right. So when you lose billions of dollars in a single quarter depositors get a little antsy. They actually start calling for your head. They start to question your ability to count. And you know what they say, "If you can't count ...." IDK but you get the point. Ultimately, the King has to give the people what they want. So Savings & Loans CEO you can say you're resigning but you have been fired. Get you sh*t and get out.

Sentence: Counting your hundred million dollar severance package, you lucky b*tch.

LSAT Update

Guess What? I scored a 171 on a practice LSAT today. That's right plebs I pimped the LSAT. I know you're asking yourself how did he do it. Well, I actually answered most of the Logic Games Section correctly. So the 8-9 questions that I have not been able to answer I was able to. Basically,my score on the LSAT will largely be determined by what Logic Games appear on the test. If they are easy I get the score I want. If they are difficult, I won't. It is as simple as that. Its good to know I have the score I want in me.

Royal Demands

Yesterday King was on the phone with a friend when King stated the following:

"I really don't have time for people who want to think for themselves. Just do what I tell you to do."

The aforementioned friend thought said comment was absolutely comical and possibly indicative of a lack of social training.

So in the spirit of having a little fun I would like my five faithful readers (you know who you are) to complete the statement listed below:

King does not have time for people who want to think for themselves because _____________________.

Why I Want to be A Lawyer

Exhibit 1:
It's very early, but it's true: Cravath, Swaine & Moore announced bonuses today!!! Here are the numbers:

Class of 2007 -- Year end bonus $35,000 (prorated), no special bonus
Class of 2006 -- Year end $35,000, special $10,000
Class of 2005 -- Year end $40,000, special $15,000
Class of 2004 -- Year end $45,000, special $20,000
Class of 2003 -- Year end $50,000, special $30,000
Class of 2002 -- Year end $55,000, special $40,000
Class of 2001 -- Year end $60,000, special $50,000
Class of 2000 -- Year end $60,000, special $50,000 (same as 2001)

This is on top of a base salary of $160,00 thousand for the class of 2007. I could definitely work with that.

Exhibit 2:

Elevator Etiquette

Excuse me. Did I ask you to join in my conversation? Why does everyone think it their birthright to interrupt and participate in my conversation on the elevator? Just because I decided to continue my personal conversation on the elevator does not give you an invitation to partake in my discussion. Mind your damn business! Better yet face the doors, don't move, and keep your mouth shut. Do I come over to your cubicle and join in on your personal conversation about Uncle's Bob's drinking problem? Nope. So next time your on the elevator and FrontOfficeGirl starts talking about how much she hates her job or I am talking about how much money I lost in Vegas, please let us be.

Moral Character

Is it me or does television make every man seem like a dog? I am watcing Brothers & Sisters, which revolves around a deceased pater familias and the impact of his philandering on his family. In this episode one of his sons decides to continue an affair with his subordinate. I guess like father like son. But why must television enforce this idea the every man is a dick? Maybe, it is the case. As a man I would hope that a majority of us a better than that. I would hope that the majority of us could be great husbands and dads. Honestly, after watching as many movies and tv shows as I have, I am not sure. So the king is seeking guest contributions on the following: Is every man a dick?

Sarko the American

Finally, a Frenchie the Average American can take home to dinner. The French Prime Minister apparently loves everything American including our idiotic bumbling President. I am not sure how well this pro American sentiment plays in France, a country where its one's birthright to hate America's power and influence in the world, but its a fine turn of events. When was the last time France was relevant Paris Fashion Week notwithstanding. The fact is the French have an inferiority complex. I hope none of my subjects suffer from the same ailment. If for any other reason, you might be mistaken for a French citizen.

LSAT Update

I am starting to pimp Logic Games. Yeah, I am improving my score slowly but surely. If anyone is interested I have taken about four full LSAT exams. My scores have ranged from 158 to 165. Its not where I want to be but its a start. I need a 170 to compensate for my terrible GPA. Basically, on every practice exam I have got less than half the questions correct in the logic games section, which means I am losing 12 raw score points before I even touch the other three sections. Luckily, I am not totally idiot and I make up for my losses in Reading Comprehension. My goal is to get 18/22 correct in the logic games when I take the actual test. I know its asking a lot but a king must do what a king must do.

She's Back

Mary J Blige - Just Fine
Uploaded by yardie4life

Sartorial Splendor

It is rare that a loyal subject says anything of consequence to the King. But on this Rainy, Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day a commoner touched my heart with the following (Disregard the crude use of language; we are going for sentiment in this case):

ooooo King and (not to be named royal) look rully rully good today lol...but then you always dress well...today was more like "I'm going to Olympia fashion show after this nonsense."

I am sure what this commoner was attempting to say is the king clearly takes himself seriously. Not only does he believe himself the most fit to rule but he also understands that he must present himself as such to the world. Often, it is not enough to verbally communicate how you have ordered your world. One must non-verbally, in the form of dress, demeanor, and even scent say to the world, "This, right here, is all mine. Respect the crown."

If any of my loyal subjects remain unclear as to the importance of their manner of dress I leave them with the following:

When you wake up in the morning, you're relatively objective about what the day has in store for you--sometimes you're more apprehensive, sometimes you're more optimistic, sometimes you're less. But as you're getting dressed, if you look in the mirror and you think that you look great, then you're going to be as good as you can be. But if you think you look clumsy or awkward, you might as well just go out and get hit by a car, because you don't have a chance. In other words, how you see yourself is the way you'll end up being. Not taking those few moments in the morning to decide what you're saying to people by how you're choosing to dress is a lost opportunity. - Kenneth Cole

Halloween is not to be Celerbated

To All:
By order of the King, Halloween is not to be celebrated. It is a wack holiday created for those self-loathing individuals who can't accept their rather common existence. Weak individuals bask in the glory that is becoming someone else. Losers dress up as Barney Rubble and a Druken Britney Spears. Pretending that your existence is meaningful won't make it so.

Beheading

Offender(s): Muletsag Nauj & Nayr Ecadnac
Offense: High treason for the attempt to compass, imagine, invent, devise or intend the harm of the person of the King

For a majority of my loyal subjects college still represents a seminal period in their lives. Many will cite their college years as the period they came to know themselves. Personally, I learned that I was a King and had to begin to behave as such. Sartorial excellence, giving orders, and resisting any type of work or activity that would cause me any discomfort or just didn't interest me were in face my birthright. Thus, when professors asked questions on exams that I didn't approve the most appropriate response was to not answer the question. Who cares if I would fail because the exam because it was composed of only two questions? Kings must stay true to themselves.
During my college years I also learned this very important lesson: Be selective about who you associate with. Royalty cannot befriend the campus skank but they must ensure that the important people like the
Chair of a particular department is on their side. With that end in mind I was diligent and steadfast in assembling the most eclectic bunch of friends. Individuals, who I believed would be around far after I graduated college. To my surprise this has not been the case. Some of the people I was closest to, people who I allowed into my world have let me down. They have literally treated me like some bald-headed step child. They have acted as if my friendship meant little
more to them than their numerous late night random hookup. More importantly, they have forgotten that I know secrets. Secrets that I am sure they would hate to have their parents discover while picking up the
mail tomorrow. That's right folks I only no one way to play the game and that's hard.

Punishment: Living with the fact that the King has and will obtain great wealth and you will enjoy not a morsel of it.

Counting Sucks

Counting is not fun. Work is not fun. Good night.

Readership and Interest in RexRegnat Grows

Apparently my loyal subjects are starting to enjoy the blog. Some subjects are so enthused they have sent special email requests:

Can you please do a feature on a certain girl who insists on cleaning her teeth in public as though it were socially acceptable and prances around the work place talking hella loud and with toothbrush/toothpaste in hand?? Pleaseeee

As king not only do I say and do I want but I also make dreams come true. So to that loyal reader/subject wish granted.

That certain colleague, who we will shall refer to as FrontOfficeGirl, despises her current occupation. She believes a career in counting far beneath the Ivy League education her mommy and daddy paid so much for. Thus, FrontOfficeGirl spends her day belittling the counting of her coworkers and lamenting the fact that she works in the special type of counting firm glorified in national folklore, the Investment Bank, while not being an actual banker or trader. She can often be heard across the floor at a fellow counter's desk spewing the following: "WE ARE BACK OFFICE. THIS IS NOT WHERE I SEE MYSELFFFFF." I know where
FrontOfficeGirl might end up if she doesn't cease and desist her rampant complaining in front of her manager's office and my counting table, the UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.

Besides bashing her chosen profession, FrontOfficeGirl also spends an enumerable amount of time obsessing over her dentes (Teeth). The blog's title is Latin. Come on. At lunch, she can be found rubbing her teeth with a napkin while follow counters attempt to enjoy their food. At least three times a day you can find FrontOfficeGirl in the ladies room brushing her teeth. Who brushes their teeth in a disgusting public restroom? I barely want to relieve myself in said water closets, so there is no way I am putting anything in my mouth when I do visit one. Plus, who knows if US Senator Larry Craig has made a visit to that bathroom or not? After she brushes, FrontOfficeGirl loves to make a show of the fact that she has just brushed her teeth by displaying her nasty toothbrush on her counting table. To my amazement the brush is left uncovered and on top of important work documents. Can anyone say unprofessional? How do you count at a table with a bacteria incubator shouting your name? Oh, the things you non royals do.

The list could go on about FrontOfficeGirl's behavior but we only have so much time in our day to devote to plebs. At any rate, FrontOfficeGirl we issue you a stark reminder: Teeth with cavities are never saved. They are almost always removed.

LSAT Stands for Legally Sanctioned Anal Torture

I am sure that is not the first time that joke has been made nor will it be the last. Hopefully, you get the point. I hate the LSAT. The Law School Admission Council should be tried for some type of statute violation for forcing this "test" upon anyone who wants to an attend law school not named The Law School and run out of their Uncle Eddie's warehouse that also produces t-shirts cut and sewn by a bunch of undocumented illegal aliens. What is presented as a test is actually an experiment: Most Effective Ways to Force Someone to Question Their Existence. Some of their well tested methods include making people read and pick apart topics as exciting as the debatee surrouding the evolution of bacteria flagellum. When they really want to mess a person up they ask her to decipher whether obscure Object 1 is seated contiguous to even more obscure Object 2 or not even recognizable Object 3 by informing you that obscure Object 1 cannot be comprehended. I just don't get it. Do you? If the LSAT is attempting to prepare me for a legal career characterized by misery, hopelessness, fear, and, anger than I guess its goal has been achieved.

There has to be a better way to determine whether I am fit to attend law school. Might I suggest reading this blog or better yet an interview? Wait, that means I definitely wouldn't get in. Maybe law schools could talk to my friends. Isn't it a fact that all lawyers are annoying, talk entirely too much, and have an opinion about everything. I know my friends can vouch for that.

LSAC you're a hot mess and you need to get yo' life together.

Beheading

Offender: Dirty Birds aka Philadelphia Eagles fans
Offense: Drunk Disorderly Conduct

Today I went to the Eagles vs. Bears game. Two words: Ugly people. I don't think I have encountered a more homely gathering of individuals. Most Eagles' fans haven't met a beer they didn't greet with wet welcoming lips. They alcohol didn't help their already limited reasoning abilities. Who sits on the concrete floor of a stadium and literally eats food off said floor like its being served on Wedgwood China? Yet, those Dirty Birds didn't lack the propensity to launch insults at a 6 year old girl attending her first NFL game and more than pleased to see her uncle on the field. Shame on you Eagles fans.

Sentence: A Bath.

The Law

I am scheduled to take the LSAT in December. Six weeks ago I had no plans on attending law school or being a lawyer. In fact, prior to graduation I decided that law school wasn't for me. Even though it was what I had dreamed of as a kid, at the time I didn't have the motivation to do three more years of schol. I was tired of writing papers that said nothing other than what my professor wanted to hear. I was tired of college life too. I wanted to be free. That meant getting a job at Savings & Loans that would help pay the bills while I decided what to do with my life. After a few weeks working in the mine, I realized I didn't so much enjoy counting or digging or whatever you want to call what I do. Then I read this article and my world changed. I was supposed to be this kid. So now I am going to law school.

http://www.observer.com/2007/polish-those-portfolios-legal-eaglets-seek-their-nests

Polish Those Portfolios! Legal Eaglets Seek Their Nests
by David LatPublished: September 11, 2007

I was waiting for the downtown train when I spotted him. It was a warm August day, and most of us were keeping still to stay cool. But he was pacing back and forth on the subway platform, awkwardly clutching a leather portfolio. He looked prematurely professional, like the high-school debater he probably once was.

Portfolio Boy was covering maybe half the platform. He stopped and removed his gray jacket—a sign he wasn’t used to wearing a suit—and resumed pacing.

In light of the season and the location (53rd Street and Fifth Avenue), I had a guess about who Portfolio Boy might be. So I struck up a conversation.

I was right. He’s a second-year law student at Columbia. His friends call him Jeff. And yes, he was in the middle of the law-firm interview process.

Each autumn, Portfolio Boys and Girls descend on New York’s top law firms, applying for jobs as summer associates. Who can blame them? Summer associates earn over $3,000 a week, work reasonable hours on interesting projects, and lunch at Jean Georges. And just as certain sleeve cuts are all the rage at Fashion Week, some law firms are “hot”—and some are not. Having interviewed with firms exactly 10 years ago, I was curious: Who is this fall’s “It” Firm?

As it turns out, the answer depends on what type of student you are and which crowd you hang with. Here’s what I learned from my decidedly unscientific survey of law student opinions about law firms.

Gunners: For those hyperambitious students with dreams of clerking for (or sitting on) the Supreme Court, the firm of choice these days is M&A powerhouse Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz.

“It’s the most prestigious,” explained Portfolio Boy. And for gunners, that’s all that matters. Wachtell’s legendary bonuses for its associates—which in recent years have roughly equaled base salaries, unheard of among Big Law shops—don’t hurt.

Another gunner favorite, Cravath, Swaine & Moore, is more white-shoe and WASP-y. But Wachtell bested Cravath in profits per partner by almost $1 million last year. It also recently surpassed Cravath in the Vault 100 law-firm prestige rankings—the gunner’s gospel.

Wachtell’s fame has even traveled overseas. Standing outside Fordham Law, where he’s pursuing an LLM degree, a handsome, slender Frenchman named Nicolas observed, in between drags on a cigarette and with pleasingly Gallic hauteur, “If you’re a partner at Wachtell, you’re a very prestigious person.” D’accord!

(Disclosure: I was a law school gunner, and I worked at Wachtell from 2000 to 2003. But it wasn’t quite as hot back then—unless you’re thinking of the heat associated with a sweatshop.)

Bar Belles: According to Rob, a 2L at NYU, one firm that’s in demand this season is Davis Polk & Wardwell. Why? “I’ve heard they have good-looking associates.”

Some things never change. When I interviewed a decade ago, Davis was already known as a bastion of beauty on aesthetically challenged Lexington Avenue. It was the firm of choice for the prom queen and king of my law school class—the editor in chief of the law journal, a luminous doll-like beauty with a vast family fortune, and her Abercrombie-handsome future husband. They were joined at Davis by enough comely Asian females to cast Memoirs of a Geisha.

Human Beings: It’s no secret that nobody goes to Big Law for the lifestyle. At Wachtell, I billed about 2,700 hours a year, worked many more, and still felt like a slacker.

Despite this grim reality, in every law school class some people believe in kinder, gentler law firms. And lavender unicorns. Among these folks, the New York office of Latham & Watkins is generating buzz. The firm was founded in Los Angeles, and some Golden State appeal has apparently rubbed off on its Gotham outpost.

“California firms are perceived as less hierarchical,” said Rob. “When we think of California, we think of sun and fun”—two things New York lawyers don’t see enough of, judging from their pallid and grim visages.

Lifestyle types also still gravitate toward perennial favorites Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton, known for cultivating a quirky, pleasingly academic atmosphere, and Debevoise & Plimpton, which relentlessly works the whole “we’re Big Law but we’re nice” angle. The firm Web site even features MP3 clips recorded by current associates, who gush over Debevoise and use the word “collegial” in every other sentence. (But query whether these testimonials sound a little like tape recordings from hostages to their families.)

Debevoise recently topped The American Lawyer’s “A-List” ranking of leading law firms for the fourth consecutive year. But word on the street is that some associates aren’t happy campers. Maybe it’s because of all those “MJW Specials”: massive internal investigations of major international corporations, reeled in by Mary Jo White, former U.S. attorney for Manhattan and rainmaker extraordinaire. While such long-running and lucrative matters are great for Debevoise, they’re not much fun for associates—who get shipped away for weeks at a time, to review documents in a warehouse in Munich.

And what of Portfolio Boy? He doesn’t yet know where he’ll be going next summer. Did he get a Wachtell interview? No. But he’ll be just fine. As soon as he stops pacing and takes a deep breath, he’ll realize that all these firms are essentially the same

Savings & Loans

Savings & Loans is what I use to refer to the bank I work for. Ocasionally, I might call it the Gold Mine. Whatever its called, the place prints money. Its prints so much money that its able to acquire the services of royal gentleman like me to keep track of how much its printing. The money is printing in such quantities that as a counter you begin to lose sight of the value of a dollar. That is until you get paid for your counting. Then you realize you can't afford to live near the money printing machines. Instead you have to live in a another state and commute to work, where your royal entourage consists of smelly counters of other banks who don't know the meaning of soap & water.

I have been working at Savings & Loans since I graduated college 5 months ago. I am not sure if counting is for me. I am not sure if working is for me.

A Few Things out of the Way

What is this blog about? Basically, the blog will be about my so called life. Over the next couple of days I will reveal small tidbits about who I am, what I do, and what I like. The driving force of the blog will be the Beheading. Each day (more like when I feel like blogging) I will pick one person, whom I will bring before us and try for a crime against humanity or my delicate sensibilities. As king I will be the sole arbiter, judge and jury. Everyone is fair game including friends, family, and coworkers. Don't worry, I won't be naming names.

I also posted my stock answers to a couple of questions that I know will surface as we get to know each other. Reference these responses whenever you're in doubt about what I write.

Why are you so damn mean?

King: Mean. I am not mean. I am just honest. It;s not my job to make people feel good about themselves. I call things as I see them. If you're dumb, you're dumb. If you're fat, you're fat. If you have a great mind, I want to be your friend. There is no filter or screen to what I think. If people think I am mean it's probably because they put too much faith in what other people think.

The reason you are so mean is you are not really as tough as you say you are. In fact people say you are internalizing your insecurities.

King: I suggest you go pickup a copy of The Breakthrough and listen to track 7. Get back to me when you do (Yes, it took less than three posts for me to mention Mary. Get used to it. New Album in stores November 27th)

Kingdom Come

After much consultation with the powers that be (I am still not sure who they are but I know one of them has a penchant for making financially
starved college graduates lose all their money in Atlantic City. More on my gambling problems later.) I have been granted a blog. Yes, King Henry as some of you have come to know me has been provided a public forum to chastise all those people in the world, who make life seem like it's just not worth living. In all seriousness, this blog will represent a celebration of all things Broderick. I know many of you are saying to yourselves is that not every conversation I have with him. Either way, today will be remembered as the day the world took one huge leap forward.