Sunday, October 12, 2008

This Blog Is Dead

Its been real people but its time to say goodbye. We had a good run. Who knew we would have so much fun along the way? We knighted a few individuals and sadly had to behead a significant number of the populace. With law and order restored its time for me to abrogate my crown and make a decent living as an advocate for the rich and well-connected. If anyone would like to assume my worldly title they are more than welcome.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Love, Need, and Want You

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have been internetless for the past couple of days while at home and let's just say it hasn't been fun. Anyway, listen to Love, Need, and Wand You in the interim. It will ease your soul until I make a reappearance.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Beheading

Offense: TWI (Talking While Ignorant)
Offender: Red-headed girl in my Section

Girl shutup! You have no clue of what you're talking about. Stop using all those legal terms that you clearly have no grasp of either their meaning or application. Its Day 2 no one expects you to be Matlock. Let somebody else answer a question. We don't care what you did this past summer. Unless you graduated from law school and passed the bar its really not relevant. Maybe you should spend less time participating in class and more time reading the actually cases. In the interim, SHUTUP!

Punishment: You can only answer a question if you have some exceptional knowledge about the matter.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

HRC

HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON. Did you happen to see the speech my girl gave the other night? I mean really. Did she kick in the door or what? Below are my personal highlights:

And you haven’t worked so hard over the last 18 months, or endured the last eight years, to suffer through more failed leadership.
No way. No how. No McCain.

John McCain says the economy is fundamentally sound. John McCain doesn’t think that 47 million people without health insurance is a crisis. John McCain wants to privatize Social Security. And in 2008, he still thinks it’s okay when women don’t earn equal pay for equal work.

With an agenda like that, it makes sense that George Bush and John McCain will be together next week in the Twin Cities. Because these days they’re awfully hard to tell apart.

When she invoked Harriet Tubman it was over:

By following the example of a brave New Yorker , a woman who risked her life to shepherd slaves along the Underground Railroad.

And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.
If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.

NYU Law School

Sorry that I have been MIA over the past week but a little thing called law school just occupied my entire life. Seriously, these people are not playing. They truly expect you to live, breath, eat, sleep, wear, be, reenact, suffer, and praise the LAW. My body is already suffering from carrying those heavy ass textbooks to and from class.
Anyway, Sunday was our first day of orientation which largely consisted of a Scavenger Hunt in the West Village on a hot and humid day typical of August in NYC. It was really a time for each of us to get to know 8 of the 90 people in our section. The jury is still out on whether or not these people are of going to join the Royal Court. In so many ways, there has been a lot of Vanilla and far too little Chocolate, Strawberry, or even Butter Pecan.
Over the past two days nothing too exciting has gone down. I made a Royal entrance to class today, which means I was late and really wasn't a good look. However, I redeemed myself by answering a question that was well received and which a classmate later stated: "You sounded really smart."
Basically, what I am saying is I am happy. The work is interesting so far and quite manageable in my opinion. Hopefully, I meet more people and find a group of friends of royal stature.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Beheading

Offense: Grand Larceny
Offender: Crackhead(s)

Crackhead striks again. Apparently crackheads nine lives. Although beheaded a little over month again they are back to their same game. This time they robbed my mother who was silly enough to leave her doors unlocked. The booty from this break in included changed valued at $5 and a an Ipod. They really hit the jackpot. I bet somebody in my neighborhood is walking around with my mother's Ipod I purchased with the following engraving: To Mom From King. Too funny.


Punishment: An old school beat down.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Got the Class Schedule

NYU sent the 1L sections out today and I am now one of the 90 proud members of Section 2. My schedule pretty much sucks because I have class at 9 everyday of the week. Its like having a job again. I left Corporate America for the laid back atmosphere of school and already its turning out to be the opposite. Not really, but you get the point. Oh, Law school classes last 1 hour and 50 minutes. Good Lord that's a lot of time to listen to one person talk. Let's hope for my sake that the topics and the professors are interesting. Anyway, I only have four classes and one of them is Pass/Fail so it shouldn't be to0 bad. This school thing is really happening.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

We Da' Best

I love the Olympics. The Men's Freestyle Relay was ridiculous. After France talked all this trash about how they were going to smash the US, they lost. The French actually came in second to the Americans. Phelps can still when 8 gold and the French along with the rest of the world just learned a fine lesson: Never count us out cuz we da' best.

Dirty Birds Pt.2

Many of you may remember my first visit to Philly. Think drunk obnoxious football fans yelling at a 7 year old supporting her uncle who played for the away team. Anyway, this time around I guess I got to meet the better heeled Philadelphia resident. Definitely not that impressive but also didn't have to cut anybody. The main reason for my visit was to meet up with my former ND buddies: Candy & Terry. Those two haven't changed one bit. Candy still loves her sweets and Terry is still living in her own world. There is nothing like being around people you know all to well. It was almost like we never even left each other. Good times.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Without Further Ado

Dear King:

The Admissions Committee has determined that it will not be possible to offer you admission to Harvard Law School. We greatly appreciate that you kept your application available for possible consideration. If you perform at a high level at another law school in your first year and continue to be interested in Harvard Law School, we welcome your application for a transfer. Transfer application forms will be available in mid-April 2009.

Thank you for your patience and for your interest in Harvard Law School.

Sincerely,
Toby W. Stock
Assistant Dean for Admissions

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Check Out the New Countdown

I'm always counting my money, how many times you have worn those jeans with that t-shirt and those same ugly sneakers, or my LSAT score. So the countdown will now be a fixture of the blog. Look to the right.

Some People

So tonight I was craving some Popeye's Fried Chicken. I know, so hood, but whatever. That ish tastes so good. Anyway, I order my 8 pieces of MILD chicken which consisted of: 3 breasts, 3 thighs, 1 wing, and 1 leg. Oh, a side of mashed potatoes with gravy, cole slaw, and 5 biscuits. No, I wasn't being an FA. The food was for me and the rents. After I order, you know I stalked the counter to ensure the wonderful people who work at America's fine fast food establishments don't mess up my order. Lo and behold, I notice this fool is intentionally putting Spicy Chicken in my box. Everyone, and I mean everyone knows I despise spicy food. Hell in my mouth is not what I call appetizing but I digress. So this jerk brings the box of Spicy Chicken over and calls out my number.

Me: What kind of chicken is THAT? Is that Mild? (*Imagine the voice I use when I am annoyed, know I am right, and am going to prove my point.*)
Popeye: Yes, its Mild.
Me: ARE YOU SURE?
Popeye: Yes, its mild.
Me: Ok, so what kind of chicken is that over there? (*Pointing to the right. Everyone knows they keep the spicy chicken way off in Hades to the right*) That's Spicy right?
Ms. Popeye: Yeah, that's Spicy over there.
Me: Didn't you just get that chicken from over there? (*Giving Popeye that look that only someone who has pissed me off can enjoy.*)
Popeye: Yeah, we didn't have any more Mild wings.
Me: AND? I don't eat SPICY. You BETTER put something else in that box and it BETTER not be Spicy.

So Popeye snatches the box and replaces the Spicy chicken with Mild chicken. He acts like he was doing me a favor after I not only caught him messing up my order but lying to a customer. He is lucky he still has a job and I was too hungry to say the words every fast food employee hates to hear: CAN I TALK TO THE MANAGER?

Our takeaways: Pay careful attention when frequenting fast food establishments. Don't mess with me and my chicken.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Move On

Why is it every time I discuss law school with someone the following question arises: Have you heard anything from Harvard? Actually, I haven't. I've moved on and so should you. LOL. I have already rented an apartment and spotted out my favorite spots to eat. Dreams of daily trips to SOHO are in my head not traveling or moving to Boston. Yes, it would have been great if I got admitted off the waitlist. However, I didn't. So can we talk about NYU? A top 10 law school in the world's greatest city. Going forward ask me about my plans for NYU not about Harvard. Thanks!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Singles Only

So I have started to explore my neighborhood, rated the the #1 City for Singles in America,and come to the following conclusions: Everyone here exercises and the percentage of hot well dressed people to hot messes is a lot higher than most cities. I must admit that the fact that everyone exercises doesn't necessarily mean everyone is fit. Trust me, I have seen some Oompa Loompas calling themselves jogging. However, it does provide the inspiration to go for that three mile run or to do those extra pushups. Nigerian Princess says its just another sign of my manorexia. Hopefully, one of those singles on the street likes her men with a slight eating disorder. Just jokes. Anyway, the hotness quotient is definitely a good thing on the eyes. Plus, it makes me strive to do better. To eat better, dress better, and even to try to smell better. I'll keep you posted on whether this leads to to more weekday afternoon unemployed trysts.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Unemployed is the New Employed

Anyone sending me an email at work will recieve the following Out of Office message:

Please direct all communication to Liza as I am no longer an employee of Savings & Loans, effective July 25, 2008.

That was it. I sent the following quote as a farewell to my coworkers:

Even when someone battles hard, there is an equal portion for one who lingers behind, and in the same honor are held both the coward and the brave man; the idle man and he who has done much meet death alike. Homer, The Iliad


I still can't believe its all over. The day I wanted, wished, and oh so impatiently waited for finally came. Its a relief to know that I will not be suffering anymore. At the same time, its sad because I am going to miss a number of my coworkers, who were literally some of the funniest people I have ever met. I am so excited because in less than a month, August 24th, I will start orientation for NYU Law. I am not sure what I am going to do with my month off but I won't be posting journal entries or arguing with European counterparts on the phone. I think I am really going to enjoy being unemployed.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Deadliest Catch

Have you guys seen this show? Who knew people died so I could eat crabs? Rather sad. Anyway, great show. Check it out on Discovery.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Look at the Countdown

Definitely did no work today. We laughed and joked all day via email. Took an hour and 15 minute lunch which began with Nigerian Princess commenting on the local avian population:

These pigeons got a lot of attitude. They just be like get out of my way (as she proceeded to walk like a bird).

I couldn't stop laughing. I am going to miss my coworkers.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

You Get One

The comments about my weight are getting out of control. Yesterday, "When are you going to start eating?" The other day, "You really are looking a little emaciated." The fact is I weigh what some one my height is supposed to. I know is not often you see healthy individuals but I am what a lot of the commentators should be striving for. So yeah, the next person who has a comment better watch out because I am coming for them. Someone has to be made an example of because this out of pocketness isn't going to work.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Royal Appearance

As you can tell b my countdown the King has really little time left at Savings & Loans. In less than 10 days he will have a lot of free time and not much to do between July and August 25th. If you live in a warm climate and would like the King to make an appearance leave a note. Let's be very clear: Those living in the Midwest and South please don't respond. I am not coming to Iowa and am definitely not coming to South Carolina. I guess that leaves residents of Florida, California, Nevada, and possibly Arizona. Scratch Arizona, I think Phoenix might be a little too hot for my tastes. Seriously lets do a trip somewhere and have a reunion.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Goodbye

Below is the transcript of my conversation with Email Gangsta stating that I would be leaving Savings & Loans. Note his overall lack of concern When you have obnoxious aggressive emails to send out, I guess you really don't have time to discuss important issues with your subordinates.


Knock on the door.

Me: I just sent the file you requested.
EG: Yup, I am looking at it right now.
Me: Do you have a second?
EG: Sure.

Close door.

Me: I just wanted to let you know earlier today I submitted my letter or
resignation to the FA Program Director.
EG: Ok.
Me: (Shocked at the no reaction) My last day will be July 25th.
EG: Ok.

Silent Pause.

EG: So what are you going to do?
Me: I am going to NYU law school in the fall. Everything is squared away
and I am ready to go.
EG: Ok.
Me: Ok.

Exit office.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Question?

To the Obama supporters: Did Barack's recent flip-flopping on major policy issues make you see him for what he really is, a politician? I'm just asking.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm Wasting Away

Today, I went to the doctor to get my Immunization form for Law School completed. I was away from work for about 4 hours because the doctor decided he wanted to use me as guinea pig. I got shots and had my ears cleaned out with high pressure water, which was literally the most painful thing ever. Anyway, I returned to work looking a little disheveled and FrontOffice Girl, never lacking in her ability to be discreet, screams in the elevator bank: "OMG, King. What's wrong? Look at you. You look EMACIATED. You used to fill your clothes out and now look at you. They are all big. You really need to stop that Invisalign." Then she enters the elevator and leaves me to ponder her words.

I have lost five pounds since getting the braces. I didn't think it made that much of a difference but clearly it has. I have to start eating again. Emaciated is not a good look. Gotta appreciate FrontOffice Girl's honesty.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Beheading

Offense: Grand Larceny
Offender: Crackhead(s)

So yesterday I went shopping and bought all this stuff for the apartment. Like an idiot I left the stuff in the trunk because my dad didn't want to make any more tips back to the apartment. Well last night, Somebody (read: broke cackhead) broke into my car and took all the stuff I bought. I am guessing it happened to be more than one because I know crackheads have super powers when they need a fix but it was a lot of stuff. Anyway, I got in my car this morning and it was a mess. These fools didn't break any windows or smash anything but they rummaged through everything. Papers were everywhere and clearly they wanted whatever they could find. You might be asking yourself but King how do you know it was crackheads?

Clue 1: They took all the change EVEN the pennies.
Clue 2: Those fools took a USED toothbrush. What they hell are they going to do with a USED toothbrush?
Clue 3: They took an EMPTY 10 gallon water jug that was in the trunk.
Clue 4: They left the ice scraper. Not even a crackhead can sell an ice scraper in July.

I was really good until I saw they took the Mary Cds. Then it was over. Anyway, Amex may reimburse all the stolen goods so it might not be any loss money. However, I am really upset about the MJB. They took my heart.

Punishment: They have to stop doing crack.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Move-In Day

Remember the first day of college when you move all your stuff into your dorm and meet your new roommate. Well, today was that day for me all over again except this time it was my own place. Today, I had all my furniture delivered and my apartment is now not just an empty space but a home. The bedroom set is beautiful even though its a little too big for the room. I have ample closet space while the couch I picked out works perfectly for the living room. Of course my dad went overboard and bought me two 42 inch flat screen TVs: one for the bedroom and one for the living room. You can always count him to do so much more than what is required. Anyway, the place is going to be beautiful once its all done. I have a few more pieces to buy and a bunch of final touches to make. Its going take at least the next two months to get this place in tip top shape. I think my first night living there will be this Wednesday. We shall see.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

I am a Proud Renter

That's right ladies and gentlemen the King has moved out of his parent's palatial estate on the Palatine and struck out on his own. He is now the proud occupant of a 500 square foot apartment in NJ's mile long city. The place is small but beautiful. Exposed brick, new bathroom, nice size bedroom. Its lacking in closet space so maybe I will learn to shop just a little less. I am so excited because in a few weeks I will be living on my OWN! I am not sleeping at my new place until I have internet and cable, which should be in the next week or two. FREEDOM IS MINE!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Boys in the Hood

Today, they moved my cubicle at Savings & Loans. For the past 10 months I have been sequestered in my own little world far away from anyone on my team. Now, 28 days before I make haste towards the exit they decide to move me "next to my group." Typical Savings & Loans. Sadly, my new neighborhood is definitely the ghetto of the ninth floor. Its so hood. By hood I mean loud, dirty, and unprofessional. I sit next to a group that truly thinks they are in a lockerroom or at the least a trading floor. They scream and yell at each other like they are playing a game of who can be the most prolific douche. Plus, they order the smelliest lunches ever. Lets just say I am not accustomed to project living. Good thing I'll be out of there in a few weeks. Oh, for those that are interested tomorrow is Bonus Day. I find out how much I am worth to the world. Wish me luck.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Walmart Never Again

Today I needed to replenish my Evian stock so I headed Walmart to pick up a case at a reasonable price. I am a King but I do like to save money, especially when it comes to drinking water. Do yourself a favor don't ever visit that place. It was only my fourth or fifth time in a Walmart and very likely my last. In a way it was like being thrown in a cage with wolves. People were loud, aggressive, dirty, and just savage like. Not to mention they didn't even have Evian in stock. I guess the plebs only drink DaSani. Anyway, I realized I am an elitist down to my core. I need to accept my station in life and work to improve the lives of the many while protecting my lot. I guess I'll have to stick to the overpriced supermarket my mom shops at and hope the money I spend trickles down to someone in need.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Evian Saves Lives

LOL. So since I got these braces my Fat Ass has not been able to eat. Not only are my teeth sore but its also a chore to brush and floss after each meal. So I mostly put off eating so that I don't have to take the Invisalign out and do all that work. That means I haven't been able to eat quality meals or enjoy sweet treats like Coldstone Strawberry with Strawberry. Ugh, I am getting excited just thinking about it. Anyway, my on saving grace has been a cold bottle of Evian. The cool drink from the French Alps has kept me from strangling friends and family. On occasion I have even imagined the water to be a meal of Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes. Seriously ! I am starting to get a sense of what happens to people who go on diets. Its def not working for me. I need to eat!!

Monday, June 16, 2008

I Got Braces Today

LOL. I feel like its fifth grade all over again. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. It was the first day of school and I missed part of the day to get the railroad tracks placed on my crooked teeth. One of the most painful experiences ever. Ugh, I can still remember wanting to slap somebody because I couldn't eat. So anyway its 12 years later and my teeth are crooked from not wearing my retainer. This time around I went with Invisalign because I am too old to be walking around with metal in my mouth. The pain isn't as bad but ti still HURTS! A year from now I will be smiling like its nobody's business. Best of all I missed work today. Yes!

I Do Read the Comments

I think i mentioned this before but I do read the comments. I am not sure if it makes sense to respond so I don't. But if you would like a response let me know. So Blue Jeans yes I did lose it betting all on red and Juan leave that BK alone, chubby is not a good look.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there. I doubt anyone reading this blog is a baby daddy but if you are god bless. Anyway, to celebrate Father's Day I took my dad to an expensive steak house and Atlantic City. At the end of the night, Atlantic City 2 Kings 0. We both got smashed and by smashed I mean left enough in Caesar's to feed a small African nation. So I have vowed once again to stop gambling. Informal poll do you think the King has a gambling problem.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I AM such an FA

After going to the park and running three miles, doing push-ups, and sit-ups I was hungry. So I chose to replenish with none other than McDonalds. Ugh, a four piece McNugget, and an Angus Cheddar Bacon burger. So fat. Not any kind o fat. A FAT AMERICAN=FAT ASS. Oh, it was so good though. Must learn to eat healthier.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Damn Its Hot

Its been 95 all weekend and its lets just say it hasn't been pretty. Yesterday, Comcast decided to do maintenance on the Internet so I was in the house all day with nothing to do but watch TV. If you didn't know, TV in the summer sucks. TV in the summer on a Saturday eats dirt. So yeah its been an uneventful weekend but it should be a fun week. As the countdown indicates my days at Savings & Loans are numbered so I have decided to make better use of my lunch hour. Hour being a very loose term these days. All this week I'll be going to lunch in the financial district with college friends and coworkers who work on Wall St. Its time to let loose and start having fun.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Look to the Right

Yes, less than 50 days. So amped. IRHMJ. Oh, saw my first apartment today. The realtor summed it up: "Yeah, this place is for someone who doesn't have a choice." Sad. Then why even show me the place. I definitely have choices. LOL. Blue Jeans has informed me that after years of speculation TopMan/TopShop is finally coming to NYC. Right on Broadway in the heart of Soho. Just one more reason to love the fact that I am going to NYU Law.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Apartment Search

So its time to prepare for my move to my new apartment. Well, actually I have to find a place to live first. I have been all over Craigslist and i think I may have found what I am looking for. Its located in downtown Jersey City about 4 blocks from the train station and the price is so reasonable. Its not in the luxury building I wanted to move in but it will also save me about $1000 a month. We can always ball out of control when we actually become a lawyer. Anyway, I am calling tomorrow to setup an appointment. Here's to hoping this place is a good look for me.

Amazing Weekend

I had such an amazing weekend. The ND kids are so much fun. We explored NYC so much that I now have a new favorite restaurant in the village. Plus, I found this pair of Seven's I have been searching for my whole life. Probably not my whole life but yeah they were a great find. Plus, we went to AC and I loss all my money including what I won last week but it was all worth it.
Look out for the ND reunion Memorial Day 2009, Chicago. Sign up sheets at the bottom of the post.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Brent Crude $133 a Barrel

Oil is $133 a barrel. Yes, Oil. Not Gold but Oil. How ridiculous? Anyway, enough is enough with these ridiculous gas prices. I had to do something. So today I purchased an ETF that purchases oil futures contracts. I am about to be rich bitch. Not really, but if prices keep rising I will definitely reap the benefits. Oil to $200.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

AC

Yesterday, I was so bored that I took a little road trip by my lonesome. I was driving to the mall and then randomly decided to keep driving. An hour and a half later I was in Atlantic City playing roulette. Do I have a gambling problem? Probably, not. However, I do enjoy winning money, which is exactly what I did this weekend. I won enough to buy a pair of shoes from Hugo Boss and put a little change in the bank. It was definitely a good look.

In Case You Missed It

Thursday, May 15, 2008

What is a Pleb?

In Ancient Rome, the plebs were the general body of Roman citizens, distinct from the privileged class of the patricians. A member of the plebs was known as a plebeian (Latin: plebeius). The term is used more commonly today to refer to one who is in the middle or lower class, or who appears to be; however, in Rome, plebeians could become quite wealthy and influential.

In British, Irish and Australian English pleb is a derogatory term for someone thought of as inferior, common or ignorant. A pleb is seen as the lowest form of society and the highest form of loser.

Source: Wikipedia

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Damn Plebs

Today I spent time doing charitable works with the plebs. Let's just say I walked away realizing two things: You people are ugly and mean. Not ugly in the literal sense but ugly in the way you treat each other. All this reaching and striving to be held in high esteem in my court has truly affected your dealings with each other. You all are keeping each other down and getting no where at all. Its sad. You all can do better.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Beheading

Offender: Subway Riders
Offense: Assault

Every morning I have to deal with the same thing. Pushy old people forcing themselves into overcrowded trains to make it to work. Everyday I have to see someone get elbowed in the stomach or have someone's forearm placed against their throat all in the name of arriving to work before 9am. The fact of the matter is your job will be there if you get their at 905 or 855. Trains run every 4 minutes. There is no need to make a fool of yourself by getting stuck in between the closing doors of the train. I must admit its pure comedy for me unless you happen to touch me. Oh, and don't think just because its crowded you can "mistakenly" touch me in those dark places. I will definitely cut a b*tch.

Punishment: Riding the train for the next month smashed against the door with some 300 pound beast's belly against your man junk, some old ladies cheap perfume placed right below your knows, and one of those hobos who won't shut up discussing all the things that are wrong with this country right next to you.

Comical Emails

From: Nigerian Princess
To: The Planner; FrontOffice Girl; King;
Subject: RE:


ooo seems interestinggg..shall investigate later.
 
omg guys, can i just stress the benefits of a HIGH-protein diet? I haven't been to the gym since like 4Q'07, and i went last night and I feel like i look more toned today!! (maybe it's all in my head??). Eat tons of chicken bones and eggs and your body will love you for it.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: Nigerian Princess; The Planner; King;
Subject: RE:


HAHAHAA!! but I see you eating pasta/twix/scooby cookies/basically anything you please. and yet you've lost weight. how do you do it?!!!! fatty grasshopper must learn. 

From: Nigerian Princess
To: FrontOffice Girl; The Planner; King;
Subject: RE:


lol oh yea...oops forgot about the pasta and TWIX (which i have..umm EVERYDAY!!) and scooby snacks, but I'm working on trasitioning to an ALL PROTEIN diet like my coworker who looks like an extra from '300'.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: Nigerian Princess; The Planner; King;
Subject: RE:


what i really wanna know is how Janet jackson goes from 600 lbs to 120 in like 3 months. such perseverance!!

From: Nigerian Princess
To: FrontOffice Girl; The Planner; King;
Subject: RE:


chicken bones and eggs!!!!
 
and maybe a lil suction here and there...

From: The Planner
To: Nigerian Princess; FrontOffice Girl; King;
Subject: RE:


I think Janet Jackson needs to find her happy weight and stay there. All this yoo-yoo dieting is not good for the heart. Look what happened to Luther :-(

From: Nigerian Princess
To: The Planner
Cc: King
Subject: RE:


lmfao...he was having a dozen crispy cremes and two pizza pies for BREAKFAST. it was only a matter of time before he would finally get to dance with his father again!!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

IRHMJ

I Really Hate My Job. I Really Love My Fellow Analysts.  

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Two New Obsessions

Learning Spanish. Finding an Apartment.

Four days in Madrid inspired me to try learn Spanish again. I was a beast in HS until my second year Spanish teacher decided he hated me and taught to the bottom of the class. Anyway, I plan on teaching myself by listening to Podcasts and watching tela novelas. Wish me luck. 

Oh, and rent is so high in the NYC area. I might have to commute each day from Maine to find an affordable place. Seriously a box should not be called an apartment and it definitely shouldn't cost $2,000 to rent. Here's to hoping a find an affordable place so I can eat while attending law school. 

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sunday Times Pt.2

I am kind of back on schedule. Sunday's are my reading and Sunday morning political talk show day of the week. Once again the Sundays NY Times Magazine has a quality cover article. Check it out


Friday, May 2, 2008

Still Not Back to Normal

Since I have been home and returned to work I have felt terrible. I don't know what is wrong with me but I am sleepy, have terrible migraines, and just want to slap people. That is all.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Bonus Parade

Savings & Loans issued the year end review/compensation calendar yesterday. I didn't see it until today and it made me so happy. Basically we get our money in July which means the end is near. I have an exact date, July 26, 2008. Exactly 85 calendar days away. August is mine!

Rejection

UCLA provided the first flat out rejection of the cycle. All the schools ranked above the Bruins either accepted me or place me on a waiting list. Since they took 4 months to respond they were out of the picture. But ladies and gentlemen that concludes my cycle. 3 acceptances, 2 waitlists, and 1 rejection. 

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Savings & Loans

Returned to work today. Anywhere but there would be great. Definitely nauseous for most of the day. One coworker believes I am allergic to the building. Nigerian Princess believes she has contracted malaria. Meanwhile my manager has joined the Hate On Me club. He is now one of dozens of members, who eventually discover life sucks when you put so much energy into disliking another human being who has done you no wrong. 93 days until Freedom. 

Monday, April 28, 2008

Sunday Times

I am still recovering from my long journey across seas so I didn't go to work today. Instead, I spent the day washing clothes, shopping, and taking care of things I didn't do before I left. Anyway, the Sunday Times Magazine had some really interesting reads this week. You kids should check them out if you have some time.

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/magazine/index.html

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Waitlisted at Harvard

Finally, found out while i was away that I have been waitlisted at the Big H. I guess that is far better than being rejected but it will still be a long summer. At this point, I am going to NYU but if Harvard calls I will definitely listen.

I'm Back

Sorry loyal subjects for the long abscence, I was gallavanting through foreign seas and lands. Anyway, it was a wonderful excursion and much needed break from Savings & Loans. Below are the some funny moments/ mundane events that made this trip memorable. Be warned some of the quotes or incidences you will not get. You had to be there. Luckily, Blue Jeans and the Spaniard were there so they should get a kick out of some of these stories.

London Gravitas
Our first interaction with a Brit was at Paddington as we tried to take the Tube to our hotel. We needed to purchase tickets so Blue Jeans inquired with the station attendant about getting a pass.

Blue  Jeans: Hi! I'd like to purchase 2 three day passes.

Station Attendant: Will you be traveling before 930?

Blue Jeans (after conversing with me. I had been on a plane for 7 hours so you know how that conversation went. Basically just buy the damn tickets and hurry up) : Probably.

Station Attendant: No Sir....Its a simple question. Will you be traveling before 930? (Emphasis added, including dry British accent.)

Needless to say I burst out laughing and realized we weren't in Kansas anymore. Oh, the Brits and their no holds barred approach to conversation. Gotta love it.

Mouthwatering Treats
The following was a post dinner conversation about the chocolates the restaurant provided. The humor in this lies in who said it. Sadly, the person requested anonymity but he/she will always know we had this moment.

King: I dont like it. Its too hard. I'd dont like hard things in my mouth.

Anonymous:  Well if its going to be in my mouth, I'd like it to be hard.

Brown Sauce
The second day in London started off with a bang. It was 8 in the morning and we are about to take the Tube to Picadilly Circus. As we entered  the train station Blue Jeans and I heard  this huge racket. For a second we thought we had  been transported back to home. Lo and behold its an African station attendant and African woman in the midst of a heated argument. All we hear is: You Shut  Up(British Accent). No, you Shut Up(thick British Accent) Ten times over.

Suddenly, the station attendant tired of this ridiculous back and forth rushes down the escaltor after the woman and launches what he believes to be the nastiest of all verbal attacks: YOU'RE A SAUCY WOMAN !!
BAHHHH!!!!
Please make it stop. I'm still laughing. He called her saucy. Is this the south in 1909? Nope, it is London 2008. What takes the cake is that these fools were arguing because the woman didn't say Cheerio or Top of the Morning. Only in London.

Otter. Look it up.

Hopeless American walks into an Italian restaurant near the Trevi Fountain whispering in broken Italian. The  Italian waitress disgusted with this woman's woeful attempt responds:   I speak English (Emphasis Added).

Silly Americans always trying too hard.

Blue Jeans should be slapped twice for this one. Everytime I think of this story my legs start to hurt. We get off the Tube at Covent Garden and surprisingly there are 5 elelvators located at the exit with a bunch of people waiting for them. Clearly a sign. Blue Jeans decides we should walk, "It will be faster" So we enter this cylindrical turret type of staircase. Think British castle. We literally ascend from the depths of Hell. We meet Cerberus and Hades along the way. By the time we reached the top we're covered in soot and years have passed by. Not really but you get the picture.Really wanted to slap a bitch.

Winning at this shady casino in London. You know I had to get it in. Definitely thought I was going to be cut if I left with any of my belongings including my teeth. We hurried out of there after I won playing roulette.

Random conversation between Blue Jeans and myself while at dinner in Paris reminiscing about Madrid. Be reminded Blue Jeans doest have an evil    sarcastic bone in his body.

King: He looked just like the Spaniard. Blue Jeans:  Yeah, if  the Spaniard gained 50lbs, had a beer belly, and wore a tight shirt.

So not the case. The guy def looks like the Spaniard and def wasn't fat nor did he have a tight shirt on. In fact it was a black sweater but two weeks with the King and suddenly Blue Jeans had mastered the malicious attack about those we meet. Classic.

While riding the subway in Paris this plump man enters a rather roomy train. However, he decides he is going to squeeze between the train door and this stylishly dressed Parisian man. So Fat Ass struggles to enter this space not meant for people while also reading his book. He beats the Parisian up trying to maneuver all his junk into the spot. The look of disgust on this man's face will forever be engrained in my memory.
Not only did he have ass rubbed all in his face but now his look was dishoveled. You all know that pain. Too funny.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Its NYU

I will be attending NYU Law in the Fall. That is all.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

NYU says Show me the Money

So I got my Financial Aid package from NYU yesterday and they straight up laid the smack down. They basically said: "Son, we are your future and we are going to take complete advantage of the fact that you have very few options." So I have to pay $55k a year to attend America's number 5 law school. That's a whole lot of money. Some people won't see that in a lifetime better yet a year. Sadness. Hopefully, I win the lottery in the near future. If I don't, it will be a long time before I'm able to walk down Park Avenue humming the tune, I'm rich Bitch.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

MJB is a Beast

Last night I attended the Heart of the City Tour. Mary and Jay did the damn thing. Jay has truly stepped his live performance game up. He stood out there for over an hour without a hype man and didn't lose me. I didn't realize Jay had so many hits but damn. Now Mary was on another level. She keeps getting better vocally and the way she ended her set was a statement in itself. Work That, Enough Cryin, Be Without You, and Just Fine. You couldn't have picked a better way for her to go out. Plus she performed some rare classics like Sweet Thing. Altogether Mary solidified her status as the Queen of the hood.

A Typical Email Conversation at Savings & Loans

From: Nigerian Princes
To: FrontOffice Girl; King
Subject: omg


YuMatch (really culturally awkward girl who has been known to sport matching hat & sweater combos usually seen on three year olds. Important note: she typically wears that hat indoors not to mention it has one of those balls on it) is wearing a top I would wear out on a Saturday night!! Veryyyyy scandalous!

From: King
To: Nigerian Princess; FrontOffice Girl
Subject: RE: omg


LMAO. Poor girl probably doesn't know any better although she has been living in the US for a while now.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: King; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg


She has?

From: King
To: FrontOffice Girl ; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg


Yeah, at least all of college. That's 4 years right there.

From: FrontOffice Girl
To: King; Nigerian Princess
Subject: RE: omg


Haha I was kidding. Had we not been locked up at the same penitentiary (Savings & Loans), I would think she just arrived in a shipping cargo labeled "Sweaters"...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Africa

Today, I made the comment that I was proud to be an American. To support my opinion I asserted that it is the only country where a black man can become leader of the free world. The Nigerian Princess responded with yet another classic line: "Don't forget that tiny country, Africa, where black men rule the land. " Pure hilarity.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Hell With All that Rubbish

When Estelle drops her album remember I hipped you'll to this chick. Her new single American Boy is fire. Anyway, here is a live version of it courtesy of the BBC and thatgrapejuice.net

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Moment of Truth

I am truly loving this show. Its basically my life in hour long capsules. The questions are clearly intended to hurt people's feelings and make them uncomfortable. In fact, it ruins lives. However, I think the truth will set you free so in the end its better that it all comes out. If someone has been cheating, they need to be aired out. If someone sucks in bed they need to know they can do better. Its nothing like pouring a little peroxide on that wound. So people suck it up and learn to be the Truth like me.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Waitlisted at Duke

For serious? Don't pay for me to apply to your school and then waitlist me. It is not a good look. I don't want to sit around and wait for you to decide you might want me to come over for dinner. Duke please. I have people dying to break bread with me. LOL. But seriously, I was willing to take a chance on Duke and try out the South. They just weren't truly willing to to take a complete chance on me. To each his own.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Worst Week Ever

This was the Worst Week Ever at Savings & Loans. The following email highlights the ridiculousness I have to deal with on a daily basis. This is the message I got after making a mistake by not sending what we would consider an immaterial amount of money less than $100,000 to a foreign counterpart. Please be reminded that it was not actual dollars involved but corporate bookkeeping numbers. Meaning they were going to get credit for the transaction just not in February but March because or my error.

Email message:
This is frankly "UNACCEPTABLE". We do our work well and so we should be entitle for "at least" proper transfer. What is FINCON's responsibility here ? Who failed ? Someone should be accountable for this ... it is just too easy to say "next month" ........ Could you please be more careful and ensure our job is recognized via transfer as it should be ?

I think I am going to hold myself accountable and make sure to leave Savings & Loans as soon as that bonus check is deposited in my account. Ugh, I hate that place.

Law School Update

For all those interested parties I have not selected an institution to attend as of this blog posting. I am still waiting to be rejected by the Big H before I wholly commit myself to that fine institution in NYC. Hopefully, I hear back soon because I really would like to make plans. Until then kids sit tight and wish for the best.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Goals

A coworker wrote in an email: What are goals?

I responded: Goals are what you had before you started working here.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Law School Humor

Poster: 2manyapps
I received an email from South Carolina law stating that, "You may have recently received an invitation to a Merit Scholars Reception. Unfortunately, this was sent to you in error...I realize that this may have caused you some anxiety and we apologize sincerely for any confusion our error may have caused. As an admitted student, you should feel proud of all you have accomplished and know that you were chosen from a very select group of applicants."

I have an LSAT that is double digits above their median and a GPA that is well above it also. I had no intention of going here (safety school) but cannot figure the above out. You would think they would find a 1k scholarship or something to "save face" and avoid sending me the above ridiculous email.

Reply: Rudygay

Send them an email saying you are going to attend.. then send them another email saying that you sent the first one in error and that they should feel very proud of the people who are going to attend their law school, but that you will not be attending at this time.

Pure hilarity.

Rome

This weekend I spent so much time trying to find a hotel in Rome to stay in during my trip to Europe. Let's just say it was beyond difficult. As royalty I have specific standards that must be met before I will even consider a place of lodging. I am not very picky but I do prefer cleanliness and an overall welcoming attitude. For some reason a lot of the hotels in Rome appear to be lacking in one or the other category. $300 a night hotels were in terrible neighborhoods or were lacking in the facilities department. For $300 a night I would expect to at least have a bathroom that works and a bed that isn't made of rocks. Anyway, I finally found the Crowne Plaza in Rome for a somewhat reasonable price. The added bonus though is they have four tennis courts which means I will finally get to play on a clay court. So excited. 42 days to go.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Troll

My new favorite word of choice is Troll. Since everyone and everything is a mess and a hot mess these days I have decided to use a new term. Mess is being so overused that its making it difficult to let people know that you really disapprove of their look/behavior/decisions. I think troll has enough bite to it that it will definitely get the job done. For example, the next time I am on a train with a friend and a bum in a pink too tight tee chastises me for not giving him a quarter I will have the perfect response: Troll you better go sit down somewhere. Or the next time I go to work not looking like I stepped out of the pages of GQ I'll use the double whammy when the Nigerian Princess gives me the look of disdain: Yeah, I know I look a troll ass mess. Please do be offended if I launch a troll bomb in your direction.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

If I Were A Dictator

Kim Jong is everyone's favorite dictator to make fun of (unless you live in North Korea, where you'd probably get killed for it). Nonetheless, you and he aren't as harmless as you may appear, and indeed both hold a lot of power in your own right.

Too Funny

A recent Youtube response to a Mary J. Blige tribute to Janis Joplin:

she should just give up...trying to cover Janis...lmao

Another viewer responded:

Janis Joplin was no vocal cherub herself. Come on now get off Ms. Blige!

ROTFL. Vocal Cherub. Get off Mary.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

FrontOffice Girl Update

Now that FrontOffice Girl has joined her new group she isn't as boisterous or forthcoming with her complaints about the dead-end work she is doing. Most likely its because she is so busy she doesn't have time these days to shoot the breeze. However, she has adopted this new habit of creating nicknames for coworkers. Yet, unlike the rest of us, she has decided to refer to these people by their nicknames to their face. I am all for monikers that suit the individual. For example, the kid who just looks a hot mess all the time we now refer to as Mess. That is we he is not around. When Mess is in our presence we call him by his government. Anyway, FrontOffice Girl now refers to a grown thirty year old man as Smiley. If she needs help she comes over to his desk and literally shouts for the whole floor to hear Smiley can you help me. She even introduces him to other counters as Smiley. I currently don't know his actual name because she only calls him Smiley. Yesterday, she wrote an email that stated "Today is one of those days I really want to punch Smiley in the face." Smiley can't possibly enjoy being belittle by FrontOffice Girl but is quite likely smiling too much to say anything.

Runway

Lunch at Savings & Loans is a once in a lifetime experience. We eat, complain about our jobs, listen to stories about celebrity sightings, and most importantly judge people. LOL. We sit at lunch tables located right next to the exit and like the cool kids that we are judge everyone's attire. Nigerian Princess is relentless in her assault on the sartorially challenged. The Black Widow is has mastered a roll of the eyes and snicker that is quite magical when you see it. Are we bad people because of it? Probably. However, its a tough world out there and someone has to be our beacon of truth.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

To Whom It May Concern

Although I have received a number of requests, I will not be visiting that city on the water known as New Orleans. After Katrina, I am not sure that its safe for some someone of my stature to visit. Plus, have you heard how they treat people down there? You only need to read the most recent news about R&B singer Tank. In closing I'll pass on New Orleans.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

President's Day Weekend in DC

The King is out visiting another Kingdom and having a great time. I'm visiting the IrishGuard at Gerogetown Law School which is still in the running as my school of choice. The Georgetown law students are fun and I could definitely see myself having a great time here. The people are smart but not nerds. Plus, DC is a lot more orderly and cleaner, than I had imagined. So we shall see.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day Humor

In honor of Valentine's Day, I am posting a hilarious email from the Nigerian Princess. Only she would have this to say about receiving a bouquet of roses.

From: The Wedding Planner
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 8:41 AM
To: King; NIgerian Princess
Subject: Morning

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wore all black today to commemorate the holiday. I thought it was fitting. I'm a lil disappointed that its bright and sunny outside. Yesterday's weather should have continued today (it rained all day yesterday for those of you not living in NYC)

How bout I ordered flowers for my mom to be delivered yesterday and it never showed up. I called customer service and there was a recording that said due to the high volume of calls, there will be no representatives to answer my call and then it hung up. I didn't know the representatives were the ones delivering the d@mn flowers. Stupid

From: Nigerian Princess
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 9:09 AM
To: The Wedding Planner; King
Subject: RE: Morning

Awwww pobresita....

Omg today might not be soo bad afterall...there was a bouquet of pink&red roses waiting for me in the lobby this morning...whoever sent them must be reallly smart and know I would NEVER accept roses at work!!

From: Nigerian Princess
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 9:13 AM
To: The Wedding Planer; King
Subject: RE: Morning

It's tres embarassing!!!!

I think it was my guy friend in London (maybe that's why they came soo early?). The msg wasn't all that sweet "to my #1 girl"...umm who is
#2-25?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

In at Fordham

I have been admitted to Fordham Law School's Night program.

Fordham: She is a lot like Brooklyn only better. She is cute and intelligent but not quite as good as her older sisters NYU and Columbia. Her reputation is good but not quite like her sisters either. She is the one you go for cause the other two are too preoccupied with everyone else or you simply just dont have a chance in hell with her older sisters. If you would settle for anything less than your dream girl she might be the one. You wouldnt mind telling others that she is your girl but when you get around other circles she is less impressive. She is flexible meaning you can settle down with her or you can use her to get to her older sisters. At least, she is doable. She is not the best thing in the family (NYC) but she is far from the worst. -dreday3223

Monday, February 11, 2008

If Law Schools Were People We Dated

Below is a sample of law schools personified as possible love interests as posted on one of the boards I frequent. Too funny.

Notre Dame: Notre Dame is that ugly girl who thinks she is the shit. Every time I talk to her she reminds me she has a boyfriend and goes out of her way to act disinterested even though the first time we hung we were both drunk at a party and she told me she thought I was “really f-ing hot.” One of my friends told me she called me a “creep.” Screw you Notre Dame. I don’t even know why I was interested in the first place. -IDEK

Harvard: She's cute, she's smart, she dresses well, she's interesting, and you know she's going to have a good future. Of course, she lives in a terribly expensive neighborhood: one you aren't sure you can afford. She has a bad reputation with your friends. You just aren't sure how you feel about her... She always seems to date the same kind of guys: 6 feet tall and worth a few million. She likes the numbers. You'd rather be with her friends, the ones who are always dating the guys who might be a little bit uglier but are always doing really interesting things: saving the rain forest, curing cancer, helping AIDS orphans in Africa... You want to be one of those guys instead. But you now the odds are low, so you comfort yourself that with a bit of work you'll have the numbers that Harvard likes so much... -malena

NYU: She’s cool. She’s hip, and she loves her indie rock. She knows all the coolest bars, and (though she’d never admit it) she has expensive tastes. She drives to protests to save the world and end capitalism (in her dad’s Audi), and she rolls her eyes whenever you order meat at a restaurant. You become a vegetarian, she buys you new clothes and you feel cooler than ever… until you realize you don’t like the hip bars or the tight jeans, and you still can’t remember which band is which. She was everything you wanted to be… until you realize you hated being cool. You switch back to your old baggy jeans, t-shirts, and call up your old buddies to watch football and skip the protest. She stops calling and you don’t seem to mind. -chris0805

Deferred at Harvard

Yes, the girl of my dreams has deferred me. She has decided that she isn't quite sure if i am up to snuff. Typically, I would say chick please but Harvard is such a banger than I am more than willing to sit and wait for her response. I might even send some gifts to sweeten the deal. Seriously, usually a deferral would make someone like me upset and bitter (i.e. when Stanford decided I wasn't good enough to be a Cardinal) In this case I am excited because it means I still have a chance. A slim yes but a chance. So over the next couple of days I will be entering the zone to explain why I want and need Harvard so much.

Alicia Keys

King was not bothered by the fact that Alicia won over Mary for Best R&B Vocal Performance/Song. Although we know Just fine to be a better song than No One both vocally and overall, we also recognize that Clive Davis owns the Grammys. What he says goes and he has decided that Alicia is must be our favorite. Thus, we shall be forced fed her overly contrived and crappy music. Yet, we all know who the Queen is.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Beheading

Offense: Squandering a Great Opportunity
Offender: The Grammys

On music's biggest night, the people who run the show decided to reinforce the common held belief that music is dead. They actually opened the show with a dead legend, Frank Sinatra, and an oft praised but underwhelming Alicia Keys. Complete snooze fest. The akward duets continued for most of the night with a no stage presence having Fergie screaming as John Legend played the piano. We all would have benefited if the two switched places. The showpiece of the night was a phoned in performance from Amy Winehouse all the way from London. Let's just say Amy should heed "they" advice and stay in Rehab. For a 50th Anniversary show there was no sign that this was the beginning of another 50 great years.

Punishment: 50 Free Itunes downloads for anyone who watched this crap

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Make Me a Supermodel

Have you guys been watching this show on Bravo? I must say I really do enjoy it. Its nothing like seeing really hot people, who have been told there whole lives how gorgeous they are, feel insecure about their bodies and their looks. It is like a kick in the stomach to these kids and oh it makes for compelling tv. My favorites are Jackie and Perry although it appears awkward swan Shannon is going to win. Have you ever wondered what is like to be a 10? I mean to be so gorgeous that other people can't stand you. That must be an amazing feeling. It might even top being king. Then again, nothing tops being the ruler of your own world because in that world I am always the sexiest, smartest, coolest man alive.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Beheading

Offender: WebMD
Offense: Scaring the Hell out of Me

So today I had this really funny feeling in the back of my throat (insert vulgar sexual comment here). Seriously, plus these little off-white balls kept developing in my mouth (insert crude comment here). So I type in my symptoms and WebMD and these fools tell me I might have cancer. I read all the literature they provide and my symptoms do match what they describe. So you know I am about to lose it. I am far too young to have cancer. I really don't wanna die. So to make a long story short I type the same symptoms into google and get the real cause of my illness. Apparently, the balls are the result of my tonsils releasing dead cells. Its a common problem that affects millions of Americans. Didn't that just sound like a pharmaceutical commerical or a political ad? Anyway, I am fine and WebMD needs to be immediately removed from the internet before they cause a fragile person unlike myself to cause bodily harm to themselves from their ridiculous suggested diagnosis.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wear Red

Today at approximately 4:30 I received an email from a coworker, "Don't forget tomorrow is Wear Red Day." After bursting out in hysterical laughter from receiving a very random inconsequential email after a very long day, I couldn't stop but think now what fool came up with this. Who had time to come us with this random ridiculousness? None other than the American Heart Association. Here are details:

The American Heart Association is celebrating its Go Red for Women “Wear Red Day” on Feb. 1. The nationwide event is to recognize woman fighting against and to prevent heart disease, and women are encouraged to go online and assess their personal heart risk with the Go Red Heart CheckUp.

I guess I just don't get it. Can't they do better ? Clearly, they can. I guess tomorrow wear some read. Oh, wear some for me because you know royals really on do purple. That is all.

Where Should I Put My Mink?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Rankings

Over the past couple of days we have received a number of requests from individuals asking what schools are ranked. Until recently,  I have been more than willing to appease such requests. Now its getting old and it appears it might just do people more good if I just provided them with the "List." As you all know there is one set or rankings that matter and that is US News & World Reports Annual Ranking of Top Law Schools. So here you go:

1. Yale
2. Harvard
2. Stanford
4. NYU
5. Columbia
6. Chicago
6. Penn
8. Michigan
8. UC Berkeley
10. Duke
10. UVA
12. Northwestern
13. Cornell
14. Georgetown 
15. UCLA
16. USC
16. Vandy
18. Texas
19. WUSL
20. BU
20. Minn

In Case You Were Wondering?

For those of you out there that wake up and ask I wonder where the King is in his law school application process the lord has answered your prayers. Below is a link to a site that provides ample detail about where I am in the process. Enjoy!

http://www.lawschoolnumbers.com/display.php?user=RexRegnat

NYTimes.com

Has anyone been reading the NY Times Online lately? Have you noticed the ridiculous amount of grammatical mistakes? You might saying to yourself is this fool for real. Has he read his own poorly edited musings? I know this blog has its fair share of misspellings and proper pronoun usage issues but damn. I definitely don't tout my work as a reliable resource for anything other than to share the perspective of what its like to be of royal stock. In any case NYTimes.com get your life together and cut out all the miscues.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

I'M Sick

Booo! I think my mother gave me whatever she had the past week. I hate being sick and I literally take every precaution necessary not to contract any diseases. But alas you really can't hide from the people you live with and their nasty little germs. Hopefully, this is like a 24 hour thing and I don't have to suffer all week. It might provide the first opportunity to use those Savings & Loans sick days I have been storing up. Anyway, other than my illness its pretty quiet on the home-front. I am still waiting on responses from a few more schools and dreaming of life in school. Now that I have been accepted I get to start thinking about new apartments and reading assignments. Rather exciting, I know. I am relishing the opportunity to be away from the boredom that is
Savings & Loans. In case anyone is interested the countdown has begun.

It is 186 days until I am free or 6 months, 4 days. More specifically, 16,070,400 seconds, 267,840 minutes, 4464 hours, or 26 weeks (rounded down).

Saturday, January 26, 2008

You Skanky Prestige Whore

That's right I am talking to you. Do you find yourself reading US News & World Reports the day the rankings come out to see if your undergrad made a move up the rankings? Do you take jobs based on your future employer's rankings in the Fortune 500? Do you "mistakenly" use Latin phrases to indicate your Jesuit High School beginnings? Are all your friends graduates of elite universities that people would kill their first born to get a degree from? Do you search for housing in cities known for their exclusivity and minimal sightings of "those people?" If you answered yes to any of these questions its quite likely your a prestige whore. You seek validation and security in knowing you are member of celebrated institutions that separate you from the plebs. Don't worry its nothing to be ashamed of. You should be more than proud that you don't have to stand in line because you "know people." The fact is you're getting very close to knowing what its like to be King.

In at Georgetown

Yup, after recruiting there a little over a week ago, the Hoyas loved me so much they asked me to come back for an extended stay. At this point I am extremely excited that I got in but sad that it is unlikely that I will be attending. Everyone wants me to go there but I love NYC and NYU far too much. Today, I went on a little stroll around the NYU campus and lets just say its two blocks from Soho. Enough said. Seriously, it was a good look. Most of the buildings surround Washington Square Park and there is so much to do. As much I like Gtown and want to move to a new city I think I have all I need right here.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I'M In at NYU

Yes, that's right. I was admitted to NYU and it was a total surprise. I came home today expecting a letter from Georgetown when to my surprise I have a big letter from NYU. I wasn't expecting anything from them considering that I just went complete a little over a week ago. So I opened the letter and It said Mr. Henry you're really really hot. JK but it did inform me that I was admitted to the class of 2011. So kids, I have been admitted to one. The process is pretty much over since NYU was one of my top two choices. Now, all I have to do is wait for Harvard. I can still dream about HLS but I am overjoyed to be admitted to NYU. Now, I need to figure out what their mascot is.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

STATUS CHECKER AT GEORGETOWN: DECISION

I HAVE GONE DECISION at GTOWN. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Is it that Tough?

If you have been living under a rock today, Heath Ledger died most likely of a drug overdose. The news is covering this story like its a serious hard news story. I am not trying to knock the life of Heath Ledger I just don't think it warrants the type of coverage its receiving. There are men and women dying in Iraq daily and the Brokeback Mountain star dies and its the lead story on every news channel. I don't get it.

Yet, what I really don't get is it really that though being famous? You have Unfitney running around hurting herself and her children, Wino smoking crack on film, and not to mention all those sad washed up celeb-reality shows on VH1. Is having the world handed to you on a platter really that mentally draining? Is fending off idiots with cameras enough to lose it? I am a lowly counter so I have little experience with this stuff but I would leans towards the position that I could do it and remain sane. I think people would line up for the shot to spend millions and demand the world. Plus, I wouldn't have a probably mistakenly tripping a paparazzi into oncoming traffic. JK. But seriously it is time our celebrities realize how good they have it and grow up.

Complete at Harvard

That's right people I am complete at HLS. Its not really anything to brag about. Being complete means I have submitted all the necessary documents in a timely manner to be considered for admission. The likelihood of me being accepted is about a -10 but I am still dreaming. You never know what happens. Oh, Duke sent me their viewbook today and I am really feeling them right about now. However, I think that's my response everytime I get a new viewbook in the mail. Theses schools really know how to sell themselves to needy fools like me. My favorite school of the moment is almost always the school who most recently sent materials. Maybe, when I get into a school I will be more discriminating.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Field Trip

Today, Savings & Loans sent me on a field trip to Washington DC. I got to see the Capitol and visit GULC. Nice school happy I applied. I also got the chance to meet up with a Domer currently at GULC. Then I had to convince some Hoyas that Savings & Loans was the place to be. How well do you think that went?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Beheading

Offender: My Desk at Work
Offense: Sartorial Assault

Over the past few weeks the strangest phenomenon has been taking place. Every two weeks I wash my dress shirts and bring them to the dry cleaners to be pressed. When I go to pick up the shirts they're returned with one or two shirts having tears along the right elbow. At first, I thought it was the Dry Cleaners, since they have the propensity to burn buttons on dress shirts and never accept blame for them. They only seem even more suspect when they make outlandish suggestions like "Oh, we cut shirt for you and make into short sleeve." Um, no. I don't see myself as the King of the Pocket Protector Society. Anyway, when it happened to four shirts I knew it couldn't possibly be the dry cleaners. They couldn't possibly be that bold as to destroy four of MY shirts. Then today as the Nigerian Princess and I are walking over to P&L, our fav café that serves crack in coffee form, Nigerian Princess goes: "You have something white on your elbow." I check my elbow and low and behold my favorite grey cashmere sweater is torn at the elbows. Cashmere------>expensive------->ruined -----------> One more reason I hate this job. Apparently, its this cheap cubicle desk and the way its connected, that is without provocation ruthlessly attacking my well cultivated wardrobe.

Punishment: I am spilling coffee and ink all over this desk. I am going to make sure its defaced so much that it cannot stand to look at itself. Meanwhile, Savings & Loans can definitely expect that some way or somehow I am going to recoup my hundreds of dollars in losses.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Dallas Disappointers

Cowboys you suck. Way to ruin a great season.

Typical Conversation in the Kingdom

Mother: Oh, I forgot you're perfect. You don't make any mistakes.

King: That's right. I'm always right. I'm perfect.

Mother: Yeah, a perfect ass mess!

LMAO. Oh, she is too funny. Always kicking my back in. Gotta love it.

Old Friends

Is it weird talking to college friends you haven't talked to in months? Yesterday, I had conversations with multiple friends who I spent a fair amount of time with during my college years. It really felt like attack of the Domers. In one case it was like the good old days. It was as if we were sitting at the dining hall table sharing a meal. We laughed, joked, talked politics, love, race, sex, and music. In the other case it was if I was being water-boarded. I really had to question how I could have ever thought this person was fun to be around. I mean it was a barrage of attacks and insults. They were quite funny but so immature. But of course I got the last laugh because the dick in me just couldn't allow this person to leave me with such a sour taste in my life. Its so sad that i know how to pull out the knife, stick it in someone's thigh, and then twist it so the wound doesn't heal. Remember that scene from face off. We all can't be killers but I love that I am when I need to be. Anyway, to make a long story short I miss college and most of my old friends. So if you're reading this shoot me an email or something.

Southern Gentleman

I applied to Duke yesterday. I know, it goes against everything I have espoused about the South and its stifling moral code. However, the school did provide a fee waiver and its great to have options. It wouldn't hut to be a Blue Devil. Plus, I think my perception of the South is outright wrong. So hopefully get in and its just one more options to choose from. Who knows maybe I will fall in love with NC. First, I have to get in. Oh, yeah and I am complete at Fordham now too. So for anyone keeping score thats two completes and 4 we don't know what the hell is going on with our applications.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Barbershop Blues

In the past week over 15 Barbershops have been closed down in my kingdom, which typically wouldn't be a big deal except my establishment of choice was shut down as well. As many of you may well know its definitely a job looking this good. Now, that my favorite shop is closed, it just got a little harder. I have to find someone new to handle with care my rapidly receding hairline and large forehead. This is serious situation because I definitely cannot be looking like one of the aliens from Independence Day. Anyway, so I tried this new spot out around the corner from my house and let's just say it was not a good look. I sat in there for over 2 hours before someone even touched my head. During this period I encountered more n-bombs and dick riding then one man can reasonably take. My delicate sensibilities like not calling someone a word that was used to assault a people for hundred of years and outright lying were definite in shock. The sad part is I'll be right back there next week because Blunt, that's the barber who cut my hair definitely hooked me up. Sad.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Katherine Heigel Please Sit Down

Is anyone else tired of this chick? You know the busty blond chick from Grey's Anatomy and Knocked up. She is usually smiling on the cover of some magazine or parading around like she is god's gift to man. I don't know who deemed her America's Sweetheart but she definitely isn't Julia Roberts or Halle Berry. Not to mention her smile isn't all that cute. I definitely would not place her in the banger category. She better go sit down.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Counting Really Sucks

We are wrapping all the change for the year at Savings & Loans. This process is arduous and inconsiderate. So inconsiderate that I had to work both Saturday and Sunday. I haven't had a real day off in over 7 days. Its getting ridiculous, all this damn counting. Counting only got worse when my vacation request was denied. My plans to visit Sin City during the MLK weekend were cruelly put to bed. They basically said you count when we tell you to count. We will let you know when you can take a break. Apparently, it is fine for me to take a break next week to recruit new counters. What a surprise?

Clinton Lays the Smack Down

Barack I like you. In fact, I think I like you a lot. You are an amazing politician and skilled rhetorician. Your speeches actually make me feel good about the future of this country. However, Mr. Obama you're just not tough enough. You are up against a killer and all that hope and optimism does nothing when she has her hands around your neck. You're up against a beast that doesn't know what it means to quit. She doesn't know what it means to lay down. She will kick, scream, and even cry her way to get things done. You are going to do what she wants. She wants to be President. She will be President.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

I'M Complete

Yes, you read it correctly. I am complete, at least in the eyes of GULC, that's Georgetown University Law Center for those of you not keeping tabs of law school acronyms. Anyway, after weeks of waiting all my application materials have arrived at the law school and is now under the review of the admission committee. I will keep you plebs posted on the results.